Butterfly Kisses
by BluEyes
Summary: Can life ever really be as perfect as it seems? *FINAL CHAPTER UP, A WOO-HOO*
1. Even Angels Cry

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 1~ Even Angels Cry

Yeah, I know, like I need to start another fic. But I actually wrote the first few parts of this this summer and didn't post them because I wanted to get the whole thing written before I posted it…but then I realized that it's me we're talking about here and I have nowhere near that much discipline, so I decided to start posting it now. This first part doesn't really tell much about the plot, but the second chapter will. But this chapter isn't just for nothing, everything's relevant. So just have faith in me. You people seem to be good at that, so don't give up on me now : )

Rain. 

Chandler sighed, waking up once more to the sound of rain pounding against the window. He rolled over and moaned, wrapping his arms around Monica. 

"More rain," Monica mumbled when she heard Chandler's moan, cuddling closer as she felt his arms tighten around her.

"Yep, more rain," Chandler whispered into her hair before placing light kisses down her neck until she responded.

"Good morning," Monica finally rolled over to face him.

"Morning," he mumbled in response, moving from kissing her neck to kissing her on the mouth.

Monica frowned, pulling back. "Do you feel okay?"

"Mmm-hmm, great," he mumbled before kissing her again. "Why?"

"Because you're really hot."

"Exactly," he replied, starting to try and pull her t-shirt off.

"No, seriously, Chandler," she said, so he stopped, and she placed her hand on his forehead. "You feel like you have a fever."

"Really, Mon, I'm fine. It's just kind of hot in here," he smiled, trying to ease the look of concern on her face by showing her that he really was fine.

"Actually, I'm cold."

"Well, you're always cold," Chandler stated, a smile slowly creeping across his face. "But I bet I know a way to change that," he grinned, slowly kissing her again. Monica finally gave in, trying to ignore her concern.

"Morning!" Monica and Chandler quickly pulled apart as their three-year-old daughter came into the room, running over to their bed and climbing in. 

"Morning, Kayley," Monica said as Kayley settled down between her parents.

"It's raining," Kayley grinned.

"It's been raining for the past week straight, Kay," Chandler said.

"I know," she replied matter-of-factly, "but I like rain."

"You aren't tired of it?"

"No," she said as if that should have been obvious.

Monica laughed, "Of course not, Daddy."

"Yeah, of course not," Kayley repeated.

"Why not?" Chandler ignored Monica's comment.

"'Cause Emma said it's just angels crying," she explained.

"Well, Gellers don't like to be proven wrong, so I wouldn't argue with her," Chandler said, Monica kicking him under the covers, so he just grinned innocently at her.

"I'm hungry," Kayley sat up, looking at her mother.

"Well, how 'bout I make some breakfast?" Monica asked and she nodded. "Okay," Monica moved to get out of bed.

"Up," Kayley held her arms out to Chandler as he stood up, so he lifted her up into his arms. "Butterfly kisses," she said, and Chandler tried not to laugh, he'd known that request was coming. He leaned in and gave her butterfly kisses, and she giggled. "It's cold in here," she snuggled closer to Chandler, and Monica gave him an I-told-you-so look.

Chandler tightened his arms around her, walking out into the hallway and down the stairs into the kitchen, kissing Kayley on top of the head before setting her down in one of the chairs.

"God, she's got you wrapped around her little finger," Monica said quietly, walking up behind Chandler.

He just grinned, "Probably more like all ten of them."

To

Be

Continued…

Yeah, sorry this part is short and doesn't really tell much. I have the next two parts written and they're both a lot longer. Please review and let me know what you think so far…


	2. Cruel Irony

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 2~ Cruel Irony

The friends theme song is on the radio right now. Just thought I'd share, LOL. But thanks so much for all the great reviews : ) Oh, and I forgot to say that this doesn't take anything into account after the 8th season cause, duh, I wrote the first few parts this summer, before I woulda seen any of the 9th season. Oh my god, did I just say duh? Wow, I don't think I've duh-ed something since I was like 12. But anyway, I think that's all I forgot to say. Oh, and I was wondering something…Elliot on Scrubs…is she the girl that played Becca on Flash Forward? Does anyone remember that show? That was like the best show…but anyway, do any of you people know? And now drops of jupiter is on the radio…I love this song "can you imagine no love, pride, deep fried chicken. Your best friend always stickin' up for you…" 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Monica asked.

"Yes, Mon, I'm fine," Chandler replied, hurrying to get ready for work. "And I can't take any more days off," he grabbed a tie. "Does this match?" Monica shook her head and handed him a different one. "And plus, I was going to take off Thursday," he grinned at her. Wednesday was their anniversary and Ross and Rachel were going to take Kayley for the whole night, so he planned on being too tired to do anything but spend the next day in bed.

"Fine. Just please go to the doctor today," Monica pleaded and Chandler sighed.

"Fine."

"Okay," Monica smiled at him.

"Well I gotta go, I'm already going to be late," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Love you."

"Love you," Monica replied as Chandler walked out of the room. She just sighed, wishing he wasn't so stubborn. She really didn't want him to be sick on their anniversary; she had the perfect night planned.

Monica grinned, hearing Kayley's usual request for butterfly kisses and the giggle she knew would follow.

~*~

"I'm home," Chandler yelled, shrugging his soaking wet coat off and hanging it up out of habit. "Mon?" he called, walking down the hallway.

"Daddy!" Kayley ran toward him, Chandler picking her up when she got to him.

"Hey, baby. What'd you do at pre-school today?" he started toward the kitchen.

"I drawed a picture for you," she grinned.

"Oh, yeah, what's it a picture of?" 

"I'll go get it!" she said, so he set her down, and she took off running up the stairs.

"Hey," Monica smiled as he walked into the kitchen. "I didn't hear the garage door open."

"That's because it wouldn't open," he gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"And you're kind of late."

"I had to work late because I took a long lunch to go to a doctor's appointment," he looked at her. "And it's just the flu, he said it's going around," he gave her an I-told-you-so look.

"Well thank you for going. I didn't want you to be sick Wednesday night," she smiled at him as Kayley walked in.

"Wow, that's really pretty," Chandler said after she handed the picture to him.

"Know what it is?"

"Um, is it a bear?"

Kayley laughed, "No, silly, it's a dog. Can I get a dog?"

"Um-"

"Cause Carli got a dog, and she brought a picture of it for show-and-tell today."

"We'll have to think about it, Kayley," Chandler looked up at Monica, who shrugged.

"Pwease?" she stuck her lip out, looking up at him.

"I said we'll think about it."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart.'

"Okay," she smiled. "Knock-knock."

Chandler laughed at her quick loss of interest in the subject. "Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting co-"

"Moo," she interrupted and then burst out laughing.

Chandler laughed. "I gotta go get changed, Kay," he glanced at Monica before turning to leave.

"Knock-knock," she followed him out of the room, and Monica just laughed.

This was how life was supposed to be.

~*~

It couldn't be true. It couldn't be possible. It couldn't be real.

"Ar-are you sure?" Chandler asked, his voice shaky, not wanting to believe it. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting to hear when they called him and asked him to come back, but this certainly hadn't been it.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor gave him what was meant to be a reassuring smile.

Chandler leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to him. It was supposed to happen to your mom's friend's aunt, your boss's cousin's son, your secretary's brother-in-law, but not to you. Never to you.

"Um, I know that this is all a lot to take in at once, but we need to start talking about treatment. I don't specialize in this sort of thing, but I've talked to a doctor at Beth Israel who does," he handed Chandler a piece of paper with a name and phone number on it. "You're lucky, we caught it while the cancer is still in the early stages so it's very treatable."

"I'm lucky," Chandler mumbled sarcastically, looking down at the paper in his hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked Chandler after he'd been silent for a long time. Chandler just looked at him. "I know that was a pretty stupid question, but I meant is there anything you need to talk about?"

Chandler looked up at him, pausing before answering. "I've been married for five years today," he said quietly. "My daughter turned three in March. She's been bugging us for a dog. We've been trying for another baby."

The doctor looked at him, understanding what he was saying. He was saying that this wasn't fair, that it wasn't supposed to be happening to him. "And you have every reason to believe that you will get your dog and your baby," he smiled at him. "The odds are in your favor here. People survive Leukemia everyday."

Chandler nodded, continuing to fidget with the paper in his hands.

"You need to get in touch with Dr. Grace in the near future, the sooner, the better," he said, referring to the number he'd given Chandler as he stood up.

"Right," Chandler said quietly, also standing up.

"Good luck," he shook his hand.

"Thanks," Chandler replied automatically, turning to leave.

"And Mr. Bing?" Chandler turned back to face him. "Happy anniversary."

"Thanks," Chandler forced a smiled before walking out the door, still feeling incredibly numb inside.

~*~

"Happy anniversary," Monica greeted Chandler with a grin and a kiss as soon as he walked in the door.

"Happy anniversary to you, too," he returned her grin, determined not to let their night be ruined. He needed to tell her, just not tonight.

"I already took Kayley over to Ross and Rachel's, so we're alone for the night," she continued to grin. "Presents?" she said after a couple of seconds, and Chandler just laughed.

"Sure."

"Okay, living room."

"Okay," Chandler said, watching as she turned to go into the living room. Chandler took the box out of his briefcase that he had been carrying around for weeks.

Monica grinned again as Chandler walked into the living room, loosening his tie before sitting down next to her on the couch. "Open one of mine first?" she asked, handing a box to Chandler.

"You were only supposed to get one thing," Chandler said as he unwrapped the box, feeling guilty because he should have realized that she'd get him more that one even though that's what they had agreed on.

"Just open the box.

Chandler did as he was told, taking the lid off the box, realizing in less than a second just how cruel life's sense of humor was.

"Oh my god…Are you…"

"I'm pregnant," she grinned, but her smiled faded at the look on his face. "Are you okay? I mean, I thought we talked about this, and-"

"Yeah, I'm just kind of shocked, that's all."

"But you're happy, right?"

"Of course I'm happy," he smiled, gently touching her cheek before kissing her. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

Chandler kissed her again, this time more eagerly.

"Bad day?" Monica asked after they'd pulled apart, referring to his kiss.

"Yeah, you could say that," Chandler said before kissing her again, this time leaning her back onto the couch as he moved on top of her, trying his best not to concentrate on anything else. Just Monica. Just the fact that they were having another baby. Just Monica. Just the look in her eyes.

But as Monica whispered "I love you," all he could think of was the cruel irony of everything that was happening.

To

Be

Continued…

Um, about any medical stuff…realize that I'm not a doctor and have never been to med school…right now I'm just working on the whole 10th grade thing…so just ignore any medical stuff I'm wrong about. I have read some stuff on the internet, though so I don't sound like a complete idiot. Oh, and whoever said I should be shot in the streets if anything bad happened to Chandler…please don't shoot me. But please review : )


	3. Gonna Hurt Like Hell Today

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 3~ Gonna Hurt Like Hell Today

Thanks for the reviews again. Lindsey~ I'm sorry about your uncle. Catnamedzane~okay, I have as many things to say to you as you did to me…a) in one of your fics I think you said you were in 10th grade, so I always felt stupid in comparison to you. b) yes, I stole the line that you stole from ten things I hate about you…told you I was trying to work it into a fic :) c) dude, you thought I was like 25?

And shutting up now cuz I'm sure everyone else cares…okay, so I was sitting there at lunch today, eating a pop tart, and I was reading the little package thing and it says "toaster pastry DO NOT MICROWAVE" and I sat there for like half an hour wondering what would happen if you did microwave a pop tart…I mean, they put it in all capital letters and everything, it must be pretty terrible…so does anyone know? Cuz I'm thinkin' I'm gonna go buy me some pop tarts tonight and see what happens when I microwave them. But first, my fic…

Chandler kept his eyes closed long after he was awake, not wanting night to end and morning to come. As long as they were still asleep, it was all fine. Nothing was wrong. But as he felt Monica shift in his arms, he knew that he'd have to face the cold light of reality all too soon.

After a few seconds, he felt Monica's lips on his own, guessing that she could tell he was awake. Monica finally pulled away when he opened his eyes.

"Morning," she smiled.

"Morning," he smiled back, leaning in to kiss her again. He hadn't been able to get to sleep the night before, and as he lay awake, reality had hit him. Hard. He realized that he could loose all of this. He could die and loose everything he'd been more or less taking for granted. Monica, Kayley, his friends, his job…everything.

"Chandler. Chandler," Monica repeated for about the eighth time.

"Huh?" he snapped out of it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine, why?"

"Because you were acting really…I don't know, distant last night. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?"

"Chandler," Monica sighed.

"Seriously, Mon, nothing," he looked her in the eye, knowing that with that move she didn't buy it for a second.

"Fine, don't talk to me," Monica moved to get up, slightly hurt by the fact that he was lying to her.

Chandler grabbed onto her arm as she started to walk away. "Mon, wait."

"What?" she turned to face him, aggravated.

"I love you," he said softly, and Monica sat back down on the bed with a sigh. "Um, do you, do you really want to know what's wrong?" he asked, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt.

Monica nodded, reaching up to gently touch his cheek, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "If you want to tell me."

Chandler took a deep, shaky breath, running his hand through his hair out of nervous habit. He hadn't planned on telling her like this. He'd planned on having at least this one day to…he wasn't even sure what he wanted to do, but the night before he'd decided that he was going to wait. But seeing how hurt Monica was that he wasn't telling her something, Chandler completely caved. He wanted to, needed to tell her, but he didn't want to worry her. And he didn't want everything to be weird. He wanted it to be as normal as possible for as long as possible, knowing that as soon as everyone knew he was sick, they'd treat him differently, intentional or not.

Monica reached out and took Chandler's hand, so he stopped twisting his wedding band around his finger, looking up at her.

All of a sudden, Monica didn't want to hear whatever it was that he was going to say. Chandler was normally pretty high-strung and not at all what you would describe as calm, but it'd been a long time since she'd seen him this nervous over something. Running through every horrible possibility she could think of, Monica was relieved when he finally cleared his throat to speak.

"Um, you know how you made me go to the doctor's?"

"Yeah…"

"And I said that it was probably just the flu or something…"

"Yeah," she looked at him, "Were you lying?"

"No! I mean, that's what they said…but then they took some blood and did some tests and stuff…They said it was just cautionary because there's been a lot of mono going around this year…"

"So do you have mono? Monica asked, not really understanding where he was going.

"Um, well, no, but they, um, they found something else," he paused, not about to be ready to say what he was about to say. Taking a deep breath, he finally decided to just get it over with. "I-I have leukemia."

Monica looked up at him, not wanting to believe it, but knowing that it couldn't be a lie. At first, she'd thought that she'd heard him wrong, but when she looked up at him, she knew that she had heard right. But she couldn't stand to look him in the eye for very long. He looked like he was about to cry, and she hated when he cried. He hardly ever did, so when he did cry, it had to be something serious.

"Mon? Please say something," he finally whispered, not able to take the silence.

"I love you," Monica looked up at him. "And we'll get through this."

Chandler smiled slightly, leaning down to kiss her before leaning his forehead against hers. "I love you, too," he whispered back. "And I'm sorry for ruining our day off together."

Monica pulled back, touching his cheek. "Babe, I'm sorry you've had to go through this so far alone. How long have you known?"

"Just since yesterday," he paused, smiling sheepishly, "and I didn't want to ruin our anniversary."

Monica paused, realizing something. "Life sure does have a cruel sense of humor, huh?"

"The good lord giveth and the good lord taketh away," Chandler quoted.

"Well the good lord ain't taketh-ing anything from me," Monica smiled at him. "You'll get through this. Did the doctor tell you anything about when they want to start treatment or anything or what they're going to do?"

"No, not really, but he gave me the name and number of a doctor to call ASAP."

"Well, we'll just have to call him today," Monica said, and Chandler looked at her in amazement. He'd thought that she'd take this a lot worse than she was.

"What are we gonna tell Kayley?" Chandler said after thinking for a couple of minutes.

Monica paused, not sure. "One step at a time. First thing's first."

"And what's the first thing?"

Monica smiled, leaning in to kiss him. "I love you."

Chandler smiled slightly, suddenly sure of how he was going to get through this. "I love you, too."

~*~

Waiting in the waiting room (wow, what a concept, lol…sorry), Chandler went back and forth between twisting his wedding ring around his finger and nervously tapping his fingers against the armrest of the chair. They'd called the doctor that his doctor had referred him to, and he happened to have an appointment open that afternoon, so they'd asked Rachel to pick Kayley up after preschool and take her for the rest of the afternoon.

Monica absent-mindedly flipped through a magazine, her mind too preoccupied to actually be reading any of the articles, but needing to do something. Feeling Chandler's eyes on her, she looked up, offering a small smile when their eyes met. In response, he took her hand, still fidgeting nervously.

"Mr. Bing?" Chandler looked up when his name was called, nervously glancing at Monica, who had stood up as he had. "Hi, I'm William Grace," he smiled as he led them into his office, extending his hand.

"Chandler Bing," he shook his hand.

"Monica," she followed.

"Please, have a seat," he motioned to the chairs across from his desk as he sat down.

Chandler sat down awkwardly, not wanting to be there. Where he really wanted to be was at home in bed and wake up and have it all be one long, horrible nightmare.

"Mr. Bing-"

"Chandler," he interrupted him, and he just smiled in response.

"Chandler, I've looked over your records and test results, and at this point in time, the odds are with you," he started, adding more about statistics, but Chandler found it hard to concentrate. But as his mind started to wonder, he tried hard to bring it back to reality instead of all of the 'What if's' that his mind was offering.

"So what about treatment?" Monica's voice made it easier for him to concentrate on reality.

"Well, first is chemotherapy," he started. "And in 90% of cases, the first round of chemo is all that's needed."

"So what else is there?"

"There's radiation, and, if all else fails, a bone marrow transplant," he paused, "but we'll cross those bridges when we come to them."

"So how soon should I start?" Chandler finally spoke.

"Within the next two weeks, the sooner, the better. We'll do chemo for two weeks, then four weeks recovery, and then we start over again."

"So I'll have to stay in the hospital, then?"

"For the two weeks of chemo, yes," he paused. "Anything else you need to know? Any other concerns?" he looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Um, am I gonna lose my hair?" Chandler finally asked.

"Different medications affect different people differently, so I can't say yes for sure, but there is a chance."

Chandler sighed, running his hand through his hair. "So how soon are we going to start this?"

~*~

Chandler sighed as he walked through the door, flipping the light switch on before walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch, burying his head in his hands. A few minutes later, he felt Monica's arms wrap around him, so he forced himself to open his eyes, looking up at her. They just stared back at each other, not knowing what to say.

"How are we going to tell everyone?" Chandler finally asked.

"I don't know," Monica replied honestly. "We could ask Ross and Rachel to both come when they bring Kayley home, and we could just tell them and get it over with."

"Yeah," Chandler said quietly, leaning back against the couch. "We'd might as well get it over with."

"Are we going to tell about the baby?" Monica almost whispered.

"Not now. People won't focus on that if we tell them both things now, they'd just focus on me instead, and I don't want to take away from the baby," he grinned sheepishly at her.

"You are the sweetest man in the entire world," Monica grinned back before kissing him.

"I'd say that I try, but it really just comes naturally," he smiled back.

"I should go call Rachel," Monica paused. "I could invite them for dinner and call Phoebe and David, and Joey and Angela and see if they could come, too."

"Get it all over at once," Chandler nodded in agreement.

"Okay," she stood up, kissing him on the forehead before going to get the phone.

Chandler turned the TV on and started flipping through stations, thinking of what he was going to say to their friends.

"Short notice and they can all come," Monica walked back in with a smile.

"Great," Chandler deadpanned.

"Okay, well, I'm going to get dinner started."

"Need any help?" he asked, though from knowing her for 15 years, he knew perfectly well what the answer would be.

"No thanks, I got it," she smiled before walking out of the room.

Chandler watched her walk out of the room, wondering how she was doing that. Acting like nothing was wrong. In a single day, the perfect future that he was so sure that they were going to have, the future that had become so tangible in the past few years was becoming fuzzy. For the first time in a long time, he began to question it.

~*~

"Daddy!" Kayley grinned when her father opened the front door for them.

"Hey, Kayley," he picked her up, giving her a kiss. "Hey," he smiled at Ross, Rachel, and Emma, moving to let them come inside before closing the door behind them.

"Is everything okay, man?" Ross asked in concern, but before he could answer, Kayley interrupted.

"I didn't get any butterfly kisses last night **or** this morning," she looked at Chandler expectantly.

Chandler laughed, giving her butterfly kisses before setting her down.

"Can me and Emma go play till we eat?"

"Yeah, go ahead," he said, so the two girls went upstairs to her room.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked since he'd never really answered Ross's question, but was cut off when the doorbell rang again.

"Sorry, hold on just a second," he smiled at her apologetically before going to answer the door.

"Who's pregnant, who's getting married, who's moving?" Phoebe said when he opened the door.

"Hello to you, too," he smiled at her.

"Oh, sorry, hi."

"Hey," David smiled as they walked in. David had come back from Minsk two years earlier, and they'd gotten married the year after that.

"Hey," Joey smiled, walking up the front steps. "What's going on?"

"Where's Angela?" Phoebe asked, noticing that he was alone.

"Um, that's kind of a long story," he muttered before walking inside, and no one pressed him.

"Um, if you guys want to go into the family room, I'll be right back," Chandler said before walking away.

"So, is anyone gonna tell us what's going on?" Phoebe asked after a few awkward minutes of silence.

"Um, after dinner," Chandler walked into the room and his friends looked up at him, knowing from the look on his face to leave it at that.

~*~

"So I'm guessing this isn't an announcement like 'We're having a baby' or even 'We're moving to Paris' or anything like that," Phoebe said after all of the adults were seated in the family room after dinner. 

"Not exactly," Chandler said, and everyone looked up at him. He'd been unusually quiet all night. Quiet for anyone, so especially quiet for Chandler. Chandler took a deep breath, looking at Monica, who squeezed his hand in response. "I um, I-I have leukemia," he finally said quietly, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

"Cancer?" Joey asked, a lump forming in his throat.

Chandler nodded, swallowing the lump forming in his own throat, still avoiding eye contact. "They-they said that they caught it early…that I have a pretty good chance," he continued quietly. He finally looked up, looking around the room at the shocked faces of his friends. "Please say something," he finally said after the silence had lasted for what seemed like forever.

"What can we do?" Rachel finally asked.

"What?" Chandler asked, not exactly expecting that response.

"We'll do whatever we can to help…I mean, if you need someone to watch Kayley, or just…whatever. We're all here for you," she smiled at him.

"Yeah, man, whatever you need us to do," Joey added and the others nodded in agreement.

"Thanks," he smiled back, looking over to Monica, who hadn't really said anything all night, either. When their eyes met, she stood up, excusing herself from the room.

Chandler jumped up after her, following her out of the room and into the hallway, where he found her leaning up against the wall, trying not to cry.

"Hey," he whispered, gently touching her arm as he moved closer before pulling her into his arms.

"How are you doing this?" she whispered, burying her face in his shirt.

"I don't know, babe," he whispered back into her hair before kissing her. "I don't know."

"I'm sorry," she pulled away, wiping her eyes. "This isn't even happening to me, it's happening to you."

Chandler smiled slightly at her. "Pretty much the same thing, though."

Monica returned his smile before leaning in to kiss him.

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but we're all gonna take off," Rachel said.

Chandler slowly let go of Monica, accepting his friends' hugs and condolences, but still not feeling what he knew he should be feeling, everything still feeling incredibly surreal.

"What are they all sorry about?" Kayley, who had come down with Emma when she was leaving, looked up at her parents. "Did they **all** do something wrong?"

Monica and Chandler just looked at each other, not having a clue as to what to say to her. "C'mere, Kayley," Chandler picked her up, heading upstairs and motioning for Monica to follow. He set her down on her bed, sitting down next to her. Monica sat on the other side of her, taking Chandler's hand. Chandler looked up at her, not sure that he could do this. She squeezed his hand, seeing the doubt in his eyes.

Kayley looked up, not quite sure what was going on.

"Kayley," Monica finally started, and the little girl looked up at her with innocent blue eyes, making Monica as unsure as Chandler was about what to say. "Um, Daddy's sick."

"Like he has the flu?" Kayley looked at her, confused as to why she was telling her.

"Well, it's kind of worse than the flu," she paused. "Um, do you know what cancer is?" Monica asked, then looked up as Chandler stood up, wordlessly walking out of the room.

"No," Kayley answered her mother's question.

Monica just looked at the little girl who everyone described as the perfect cross of the two of them. You could point out any feature she had and either say 'Monica' or 'Chandler' to it. Eyes, Chandler. Nose, Monica. 

Monica took a deep breath, gently brushing Kayley's hair out of her face before beginning.

~*~

Monica walked into their room to see Chandler laying on their bed, face buried in a pillow. She walked over to the bed, laying down next to him and wrapping her arms around him.

Chandler just lay there, not responding. He knew that she knew he wasn't asleep, but he had no clue what to say or do. All he wanted to do was lie there for the rest of the night with her in his arms, not thinking about anything else.

He finally looked up at her, and Monica was surprised by the fact that he was crying. So, instead of saying anything, she just moved closer, tightening her arms around him as she let him cry.

To

Be

Continued…


	4. Grey Sky Morning

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 4~ Grey Sky Morning

Thanks so much for all the reviews…and a special thanks to Sophie. She says that if you put a pop tart in the microwave for 30 seconds it just gets extremely hot. One minute and it catches on fire. So I'm just gonna take her word on that and not try it for myself. The William Grace thing was purely by coincidence…all names are completely random. I hadn't even thought of the Will and Grace thing. Oh, and what I take as the highest compliment in the world is knowing that I've made you cry : ) Know what I have planned for the hell of a hallmark holiday which is tomorrow? _Sweet Home Alabama_, _Serving Sara_, _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_, chocolate, and my best friend. Our valentine's day tradition…chick flicks and chocolate. Seriously, what else is there?

Monica rolled over, reaching out for Chandler, but was surprised to find that she was in bed alone. She sat up, looking at her alarm clock, seeing that it was only 5:30. She slowly got out of bed, dreading the day she knew was coming. Walking past Kayley's room, she paused, seeing Chandler. She walked in, wrapping her arms around him from behind as she came up behind him. Chandler reached for Monica's hand in response, continuing to watch Kayley as she slept.

Chandler finally turned around, turning to face Monica. He placed his hands on her hips, looking her in the eye, but still not saying a word. Leaning down, he kissed her on the lips before pulling back, whispering "How am I gonna get through this?" in her ear.

Monica pulled him closer, kissing him as she moved back toward the door, pulling him with her. They wordlessly went back to their room, moving toward the bed as they slowly started to undress each other, trying to make the moment last as long as possible.

~*~

Monica once again looked up at the clock. 7:30. She cuddled closer to Chandler, lying her head against his chest, finding comfort in the sound of his heartbeat and his steady breathing, knowing from the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest that he was asleep. She finally gave in and sat up with a sigh, knowing that they had to be at the hospital by nine, and that they still had to get Kayley up and ready.

"Wakie, wakie," Monica whispered, leaning down and kissing Chandler on the lips.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"7:30," Monica replied as she got up. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Wait," Chandler grabbed onto her arm. "I'm gonna come with you."

Monica smiled, glad for his company. She was actually feeling the exact same way as he was, wanting to be together as much as possible to make up for the next couple of weeks.

They quickly got dressed after showering, realizing just how late they were running.

"I'll go get Kayley up," Chandler said, pulling his shirt on as he walked out of their bedroom.

"Morning, Daddy," Chandler was surprised to be greeted by Kayley, who was already up and dressed. "I got up and getted dressed all by myself," she grinned, holding her arms out to him to be picked up.

"Wow," he picked her up, kissing her forehead before giving her butterfly kisses since he knew that request would follow.

"Do you have to go to the hopital to get medicine today?" she asked, remembering the conversation they had had with her the night before.

"Yeah," he replied, heading downstairs.

"So who's gonna give me butterfly kisses at night?" she asked, having no idea of the effect that that had on Chandler.

He stopped, looking up at Monica, who was in the kitchen and had heard Kayley's question. Instead of answering, he just held her closer, whispering "I love you," before kissing her again.

~*~

"Ouch."

"Sorry," the med student apologized, the IV he was trying to put in Chandler's arm not cooperating.

"It's okay," he mumbled, looking up at Monica instead of who he was directing it toward.

"Dr. Grace will be right back in in a minute," she smiled at them before leaving.

Monica sat down on the edge of Chandler's bed. "You okay?"

Chandler nodded, squeezing her hand. Monica smiled at him in response, and Chandler sighed. "How can I be away from you and Kayley this much?"

"You'll see us everyday," Monica said, trying to convince him as much as herself that it really wasn't that much time apart.

"Yeah, but still."

Monica offered a small smiled. "I know." She stood up suddenly, walking across the room.

"What are you doing?" Chandler looked at her.

"Just a sec," Monica replied, coming back over to his bed a moment later.

"What's that?" he asked, referring to the bag in her hands.

"Just some stuff."

"Oh, some stuff, why didn't I realize that."

Monica laughed, "You have no patience."

"And you're one to talk."

Monica smiled, taking the first item out of the bag, handing it to Chandler. It was a picture of the three of them on Kayley's birthday, pink frosting on each of their noses. Chandler smiled, causing Monica to smile before handing him the next thing from the bag. "Mr. Scruffles?" he asked, referring to Kayley's teddy bear.

Monica smiled. "She said it's so you don't get lonely at night," she paused, taking a third item from the bag and handing it to him.

"Oh my god, that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen," he laughed, looking at what appeared to be a cross between a rat, dog, and a cat.

"Isn't it?" Monica laughed. "Phoebe said that whenever you're feeling bad or whatever to look at it and be glad that that's not you," she smiled at him. (one of my friends actually has this picture of this, I think, cat, and it's so ugly…she shows it to people when they're having bad days and says to be happy cuz that's not them.)

Chandler studied the picture for a minute. "What is it?"

"I think it's a cat," Monica laughed, and Chandler just nodded, both of them looking up as Dr. Grace walked in.

"Ready to get this show on the road?" he asked, and Chandler looked to Monica, squeezing her hand as he nodded.

~*~

"Daddy!" Kayley grinned as they walked into his room.

"Hey, baby," he smiled as Monica lifted her up onto his bed. "What'd you do today."

"I got to go play with Emma after school," she grinned.

Chandler smiled in return, just watching her as she went through the day's events enthusiastically.

"Hey," Joey said, walking in. They'd decided that Monica should go home at night so that there was someone there for Kayley, and Joey had said he'd spend the first night with Chandler.

"Hey," Monica said in response, and Chandler nodded to him, occupied with Kayley.

~*~

Monica looked down at her watch, realizing how late it was getting. "We'd better get going, Kay," she looked at the little girl, and then to Chandler. She could tell he really didn't want her to go, but that he wouldn't ask her to stay.

"Do we gotta?"

"Yeah, we gotta," Monica continued to look at Chandler, not even realizing that she had just used the word 'gotta.'

"Bye, baby," Chandler kissed Kayley, pulling her into his arms.

"Butterfly kisses," she looked at him.

Chandler smiled, giving her butterfly kisses. "I love you."

"Love you, Daddy," she hugged him before Monica lifted her off the bed.

"Bye," Monica said quietly, leaning in to kiss him.

"Bye," he replied. "I'll be lonely tonight."

"Me, too," they both continued to speak softly.

"And I'd kiss your stomach or something, but there's other people here who might wonder why," he whispered.

Monica smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"We'd better go," Monica said, and Chandler nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, babe."

Monica looked at him, hating that she had to leave. "Bye," she squeezed his hand. "I love you."

"Love you," he replied as Monica picked Kayley up, giving him another long look before slowly walking out the door. Chandler sighed before turning his attention to Joey, who smiled at him.

"So have you and Angela set a date yet?" Joey's smile fell. "Did I just stick my foot in my mouth?"

Joey gave him a half-hearted smile. "Yeah, um, she, um, she left."

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"Well, actually, I got this huge movie offer in LA, and I told Angela, and I said that I wanted to move there," he paused. "And she said she didn't want to go. I told her that moving to LA was the best thing for my career, so she said that I could choose. Move to LA, alone, or stay here with her. I said that I couldn't make that decision, and she said that since I even had to think about it, she obviously didn't mean as much to me as she thought," Joey paused, shaking his head. "She threw her engagement ring at me and slammed the door behind her."

"God, Joe, I'm sorry."

Joey shrugged. "Maybe it was for the best. I mean, she's right. If you have to question it, it's not really love," he smiled slightly. "At some point in time I really did love her, though. I really did."

"So when's this big movie start?"

Joey smiled, knowing that Chandler was giving him an easy chance to change the subject. "We start filming in July."

"So are you moving then?"

Joey nodded. "I was gonna tell you all soon, it's just…" he shrugged, and Chandler nodded, understanding. It's just that this all had come up.

The phone ringing caused both of the men to jump, and Chandler reached to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey, Mon," he smiled.

"Kayley says she has to ask you something before she goes to bed."

"Okay," Chandler laughed.

"Hi," Kayley picked up the phone.

"Hi, baby."

"Could you sing the song?" she asked, and Chandler immediately knew what song she was talking about.

"Will you go to bed for your mom if I do?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Chandler swallowed hard, looking around the room at Joey, and then to the nurse who had just walked in before turning his attention back to Kayley. "Okay," he took a deep breath before beginning…

__

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God

For all the love in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must've done something right

To deserve a hug every morning 

And butterfly kisses at night

"Butterfly Kisses" Bob Carlisle 

To

Be

Continued…

I know that in every fic where Chandler has a daughter they are huge daddy's girls…but that's cuz I'm like the biggest daddy's girl, lol. And I remember asking for butterfly kisses before I went to bed…but I think it was eskimo kisses more often then butterfly kisses…man, to be five again…But anywho, please review. Hey, that rhymed : ) Oh, and we have school off today cuz parent teacher confrences are tonight…wish me luck…


	5. One Day At a Time

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 5~ One Day At a Time

Life lessons from Jamie: If your mom tells you to keep a coat in the car in the winter just in case, keep a coat in the car. If your mom tells you to keep gloves and a hat in the car in the winter, keep gloves and a hat in the car in the winter. If your mom tells you that it's supposed to snow seven to nine inches over night, so you might not want to spend the night at your friend's house, listen to her. Cuz it'll actually end up snowing 12 inches. And it's hell digging a bunch of cars out of a foot of snow…especially when two of you didn't even wear a coat. And then, when your mom tells you not to go anywhere and she'll just come get you cuz your car'll just get stuck in the snow, LISTEN TO HER. Cuz if you don't you'll all end up getting stuck turning at the end of the street and your friend's hot neighbor will have to come shovel your cars out and then help push your cars out. And it wouldn't have been so bad cuz he's really hot, but it was a sleepover…so we'd all had no sleep and hadn't had showers and looked like crap. Oh, but seriously, you have not lived until you've had to get out and push a car when it's stuck in the snow, lol. So to sum it all up...you really should listen to your mom sometimes. But just sometimes…

Oh, and another life lesson. Don't cheat on tests. Cuz you never know when the person whose paper you're looking off of is actually copying off of yours, so then it turns out that you're both incredibly screwed, lol. Not that it's ever happened to *me* or anything…

Chandler closed his eyes, trying hard not to throw up.

"Hey, babe," Chandler's eyes popped open at the sound of Monica's voice.

"Hey," he smiled at her weakly.

"How you feeling?"

Chandler shook his head, knowing that if he spoke anymore it'd be hard not to throw up. But just shaking his head made him dizzy, and he once again squeezed his eyes shut.

"You okay?" Monica whispered, gently touching the side of his face.

Chandler opened his eyes, looking at her. "I'm gonna be sick," he said quietly, and Monica grabbed the bedpan that was at his bedside for that purpose. She held it for him, running her hand through his hair. "I hate this," he said after he'd leaned back again.

"Me, too."

Chandler turned his head to look at her. "I'm sorry."

Monica smiled, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You don't have to be sorry, Chandler."

Chandler smiled slightly, taking her hand as he closed his eyes again. "Did you schedule your doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah, for next Thursday," she replied, rubbing her thumb in circles over his hand as she watched him.

"I hate having to miss everything."

"I know you'd be there if you could."

Chandler sighed, opening his eyes. "Yeah, but this blows."

"Yeah, it pretty much blows," Monica laughed.

Chandler took a deep breath before closing his eyes again. "I think I'm gonna throw up again."

~*~

"Hey, baby," Monica said, kissing Chandler on the forehead.

"Hey," he smiled back.

"Odd requests," she looked at him, holding out the baseball hat and electric razor he'd asked her to bring.

Chandler sighed, running his hand through his hair a couple of times, showing Monica his handful of hair afterward. "I'd rather have it be quick and painful like a band-aid. You know, get it over with all at once," he looked at her.

Monica nodded, sitting down on the bed. "I have something else for you, too," she smiled.

"What?"

Monica paused for a second, reaching for her purse. She pulled out a sonogram picture, handing it to him. Chandler grinned, pulling her into his arms so that she was leaning up against him, his hand resting on her stomach.

"12 weeks."

"What?"

"I'm 12 weeks along."

"12 weeks? How? I mean, did you know for that long before you told me?"

"Not really, only for a couple of weeks…I guess I just didn't realize that I'd skipped a period before that," she shrugged.

Chandler kissed her hair, "Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?"

Monica thought for a second. "I don't really care. Although I wouldn't mind having a little Chandler."

"If it's a boy we are **not** naming him Chandler."

"Why not?"

"Because Chandler Bing is a horrible name."

"I don't think so."

"That's because it's not yours," he grinned at her.

Monica laughed. "So when are we going to tell everyone?"

Chandler shrugged. "It doesn't really matter to me…I mean, we could start telling now."

Monica smiled. "Okay."

"Okay," Chandler agreed, picking up the razor she had brought and handing it to her.

"You want me to do it?" He nodded. "Okay," she said, unsure of herself. She stood up, standing beside the bed. She looked him in the eye, running her hand through his hair, and he closed his eyes, not wanting to watch. Monica took a deep breath before beginning. 

"So where is everyone else?" Chandler asked after a few minutes of silence, almost causing Monica to jump.

"I left Kayley with Ross and Rachel and asked them to give us a little time alone before they bring her up," she explained. "And I am done," she moved back, looking at him. "Do you, um, want a mirror to see or anything?"

"Not so much," Chandler made a face, picking the baseball hat up and pulling it on backwards. "What?" he asked, noticing that she was looking at him.

"Your eyes are so blue."

"Um, thanks, yours, too," he replied, unsure of why she'd said that.

"Can we come in?" Rachel asked, knocking on the door.

"Yeah, sure."

"Daddy!" Kayley ran over, stopping short of his bed. "Is today a good day?" she asked, knowing that if it wasn't that he felt sick and she'd have to be quiet.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, it is."

"Up," she held her arms out, and Monica lifted her up onto the bed. "What's that?" she asked, and it was then that Chandler realized that the picture of the sonogram was still sitting on the bed. Monica and Chandler just looked at each other, and Rachel looking back and forth between them.

"Oh my god, Mon, are you…" she trailed off. Monica nodded. "Congratulations," she grinned, hugging her.

"Thanks."

"And congratulations to you, too," she smiled at Chandler.

"Thank you."

"What **is** it?" Kayley repeated.

"It's, um, a picture of a baby," Chandler answered her.

Kayley wrinkled her nose. "It doesn't **look **like a baby," she looked up at Chandler.

"It will, it just has to grow first."

Kayley looked at the picture again. "Whose baby is it?"

Chandler glanced at Monica before continuing. "Um, it's our baby. You're going to have a baby brother or sister."

"Then where is it?"

"Um, it's in Mommy's tummy."

Kayley looked at him in disbelief, then turned to look at Monica before turning back to Chandler. "Well how'd it get in **there**?"

To

Be

Continued…

Just another not-so-sad chapter…don't worry…I'll make up for it, bwahahaha…wow, sorry, power rush. Please review…


	6. Too Good to be True

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 6~ Too Good to be True

Spring Break, a woo-hoo!!! Spring break's really early this year, it's not even technically spring yet…but whatever. And I have absotively posilutely nothing planned, so hopefully I'll have some time to write : ) Know what's like the saddest song ever is? Concrete Angel. My friend burned me a CD with random songs on it, and that song is on it and it's like the saddest song ever. Seriously. Go download it or something and listen to it and tell me that it doesn't make you want to cry. Ooh, but know what other song's on it? Butterfly kisses : ) So here you go, sorry this chapter took so long… 

Chandler watched the doctor reading his chart, waiting for him to actually tell him something.

"It's like that split-second before the jury reads the verdict," Chandler finally said, and the doctor just laughed, looking up.

"I'm gonna miss you."

Chandler smiled. "So does that mean…?"

"Your white blood cell counts are up, but still not anywhere near what a normal person's would be, so you're still very susceptible to infections and viruses," he paused. "But, yes, you can go home." Chandler smiled. "If nothing else changes before tomorrow morning, you can go home."

~*~

"We're home!" Chandler called as he, Monica, and Joey walked through the door.

"Daddy!" Kayley squealed, running down the hallway as soon as she heard her father's voice. "Up," she held her arms out.

"Chandler…" Monica started, not sure if he was strong enough to pick her up.

"I'm fine," he smiled at her before picking Kayley up, only going into the living room anyway, sitting down on the couch with her in his lap.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Me and Aunt Phoebe and Aunt Rachel and Emma made cookies," she grinned. "I'll go get some!" she jumped off his lap, running to the kitchen.

"Aunt Rachel helped?" Chandler looked up at Phoebe, who had just walked into the room.

Phoebe laughed. "Don't worry, they're slice and bake. I doubt even Rachel could screw those up."

"I heard that," Rachel walked in with Emma and Kayley, carrying a plate of cookies.

"I did the purple sprinkles," Kayley grinned.

"I did the pink ones," Emma added.

"Want one?" she handed him a cookie.

"Sure," he took it from her, though he didn't really feel like eating anything at the moment.

"Is it good?"

Chandler nodded, taking a bite. "Mmm-hmm."

"I'm gonna be a chef like Mommy when I grow up," she grinned proudly.

"You are, are you?"

"Yep."

"So what are you making for us for dinner tonight, Chef Bing?"

"Mmmm…mac'roni and cheese," she finally said with a grin, causing Monica and Chandler to both laugh.

Monica shook her head, looking at Chandler. "She's your kid."

~*~

Monica slowly closed the door, trying not to make any noise. "Hey, you." Monica jumped, expecting Chandler to be asleep.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was," he motioned for her to get into bed with him. Monica lay down next to him, sighing with content as he wrapped his arms around her. 

"Mmm, I missed you."

"I missed you, too," he mumbled back, kissing her forehead. "And who knew that I wouldn't like to sleep alone."

Monica laughed. "And I don't like sleeping with out you, either…You're like a big, giant teddy bear that I can't sleep with out."

After a few minutes of silence, Chandler burst out laughing. 

"What?"

"I was just picturing myself as a giant teddy bear…" he trailed off laughing.

Monica laughed. "Goodnight, Chandler."

"Night," Chandler replied, laughing again a few seconds later.

Monica laughed to herself, same old Chandler. She smiled, taking his good mood to mean that he was feeling better. Though he actually had been in a good mood throughout everything; he hadn't come anywhere near giving up hope.

Chandler started laughing again. "Seriously, how weird would it be if I was a teddy-bear? I mean, isn't the thought of a six-foot-tall stuffed animal kind of creepy? Isn't that the kind of thing kids have nightmares about?"

Monica rolled over so that she was facing him, sorry that she had even mentioned that. 

"What?"

Monica didn't say anything in response, but just kissed him until he finally stopped laughing. Monica lay back down, but a few seconds later, he started laughing again…

~*~

"God, this is just as nerve-racking as it is the first time," Chandler nervously paced around the room, making a face at one of the posters on the wall.

"Yeah it is, isn't it?"

"So why couldn't you go back to Dr. Jennings?"

"She moved to California," Monica paused, thinking. "Or was it Colorado…I don't remember it was one of those C-ones. But she moved."

Chandler nodded, walking back over to Monica as the doctor entered the room.

"Hi," she smiled. "And you must be the father I've heard so much about."

"Chandler Bing," he smiled, shaking her hand. "And don't worry, it can't all be true."

"It rarely is," she returned his smile.

"Kentucky," Monica snapped her fingers, remembering where she had moved. "She moved to Kentucky."

Chandler looked at her. "Kentucky doesn't start with a 'C.'"

Monica shrugged, "It's the same sound though, really."

~*~

"I can't believe you're really leaving," Rachel pulled Joey into a tight hug. "You're not gonna go and become famous and forget all of us, are you?"

"Never," he smiled, returning her hug and looking around at his five friends who had come to say goodbye. His gaze landed on Chandler as Rachel finally pulled away from him. He felt bad for leaving when Chandler was sick, but he had to. "Look, man, I feel bad about leaving when-"

"Don't feel bad," Chandler interrupted. "Go make your movie with Julia Roberts, get all rich and famous," he grinned, and Joey laughed.

"I you insist," he returned Chandler's smile before hugging him.

"It won't be the same with out you here, though."

"Yeah, I know," Joey said as they both pulled back. "And, Mon, you call me the second you go into labor so I can be here," he grinned, pulling her into a hug.

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"And this one's gonna be my Joey, right?"

Monica laughed. "We'll see," she pulled away, going back to stand by Chandler, wrapping her arm around him. She'd noticed earlier how exhausted he looked, but hadn't said anything, knowing that he'd just deny it, anyway, wanting to stay and say goodbye to Joey.

Chandler wrapped his arm around Monica, relaxing against her so that she was supporting some of his weight. He wouldn't have admitted for the world just how bad he'd felt all day, not wanting to ruin the little time remaining before Joey left. And he figured that after Joey did leave, he could go home and just go to bed anyway. But as he watched Joey hug Phoebe, and then Ross, the room suddenly began to spin.

And then it all went black.

To

Be

Continued…

Um, sorry this one kinda had a bunch of random events thrown together…I've been working on it for the past couple of weeks and couldn't really get anywhere with it, but I think know what I wanna do after this. So please review…I'll try to have the next part up soon : )


	7. Falling Back to Darkness

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 7~ Falling Back to Darkness

Hey all, happy St. Patrick's day…ya know, I really don't have anything to say, so I won't bore you with my long ramblings…yeah, I know, you can stop cheering now : )

Monica had felt Chandler lean up against her for support, but had thought nothing of it. But when he fainted, collapsing to the ground next to her, she completely panicked.

"Chandler!" she screamed, and the others immediately rushed over to where Chandler had collapsed. "Chandler," she repeated, kneeling down next to him, placing a hand on his cheek, and then moved it to his forehead. "Shit, he's burning up."

~*~

"Monica?" Monica immediately jumped up when Chandler's doctor came into the room. "He's awake now, and he's stable. His temperature's down to 100," he paused. "He probably just got a virus that started out as a cold or something, but since he has virtually no immune system, it ends up effecting him a lot worse that it normally would," he explained, and Monica nodded. "The cancer's spreading fast, and I'd like to start another round of chemo as soon as we can. We need to give him a couple of weeks to get his strength back up, and we're not quite out of the woods yet…But we need to start thinking about getting started again as soon as possible."

Monica nodded again. "Um, can I see him now?"

"Of course," he smiled, leading her to his room.

"Monica," Chandler immediately smiled when she walked into the room.

"Hey, babe," she whispered back, pulling a chair up next to his bed, sitting down. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit," he laughed, reaching out for her hand. "Where's Kayley?"

"With Phoebe and David," she replied, looking down at her fingers laced between his.

And all of a sudden, it hit her.

This was real. This was all real. She could lose him. This easily, she could lose him. The doctor had said they weren't out of the woods yet…She could lose him. She could lose it all. And she didn't care that that thought was totally and completely selfish. She didn't care. She could lose him.

"Mon," Chandler said softly, and she looked up. "Mon, don't cry…" he pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"I just…I can't live without you…" she trailed off, allowing Chandler to pull her into his arms in a tight hug.

"I'm right here," he whispered back. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here," he kissed her forehead, swallowing the knot in his own throat, holding Monica as she cried.

"I'm sorry," Monica finally pulled back, wiping her tears away.

"Don't be sorry," Chandler smiled at her reassuringly, but she didn't miss the fact that he had leaned back against the pillow, too weak to stay sitting up.

Monica nodded. "I should go let the others know how you're doing…"

"Did Joey leave?"

Monica shook her head. "No, he wanted to make sure that you were okay before he left," she looked down, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"You should go home and get some sleep," Chandler said softly, but Monica once again shook her head. "Mon…"

"I'm not leaving you," she said firmly, and Chandler sighed, knowing how stubborn she was and that arguing wouldn't do any good. "I'll be right back," she smiled, giving his had a reassuring squeeze before walking out of the room to go tell the others what was going on.

~*~

"And then Carli's dog jumped up on me and he knocked me over cause he's a **big** dog, but it's okay cause he didn't mean to, he was just 'cited to see me…"

Monica slowly sat up all the way in the chair she was sitting in, looking over to where Kayley was sitting, wondering who she was talking to.

"Nora," she said in surprise.

"Hi, Monica," she smiled.

"Mommy, you fell asleep," Kayley said. "And Daddy's asleep, too. But then Grandma came," she smiled at her before going back to coloring in her coloring book.

"I didn't know you were coming," Monica said, rubbing her neck and making a mental note not to fall asleep in that position again.

"Neither did I until today. A few dates on my book signing tour got cancelled, so," she shrugged. "But why don't you go home, dear. Rest, get some sleep."

"You sound like Chandler," Monica smiled.

"Well, you know what they say, like son like mother," she returned Monica's smile. "But, seriously, leave Kayley here with me and go home and get some rest. All of this stress isn't good for the baby."

Monica sighed, deciding that she'd might as well give in. She hadn't gone home and slept for a long period of time in a long time. "Okay," she said, standing up and walking over to where Nora was sitting on the other side of the bed. "He's doing pretty good today," she said quietly, looking over to Kayley, who was still sitting on Chandler's bed coloring. "But this time's been a lot harder than last time was…"

Nora looked past Monica to her son, studying his gaunt face. "How much weight has he lost?"

Monica shrugged, "A lot?"

"Well, you don't worry about anything right now. Just go home and take care of yourself. Kayley and I will take care of Chandler, won't we, Kayley?"

"Yep, we'll take care of Daddy," she smiled at her mother.

Monica smiled, kissing Kayley on the forehead as she walked by. "Be good for Grandma."

"I will."

"I'll be back later," she added, looking up at Nora.

"Take your time, honey," she reassured her.

"Bye, Kayley."

"Bye, Mommy."

"Bye," she smiled at Nora. "Thanks."

"No problem, Monica. See you later," she smiled at her as she walked out the door.

"Morning, Daddy."

"Hi, baby," he smiled back at her before looking around the room. "Mom?"

"Hey, kid."

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see my son, I need an excuse?"

"I guess not," he smiled at her. "Where's Monica?"

"She went home."

"How'd you get her to leave? Other than work and a couple of hours of sleep, I haven't been able to get her to leave for the past three weeks."

"I bribed her with money."

"Mom-"

"Kidding, honey," she laughed, grabbing his hand.

"Why'd you call Daddy 'kid?'" Kayley looked up at Nora.

"Because he is my kid."

"But how's he a kid, he's old?" she asked, causing both of the adults to laugh.

"I'm not old," Chandler looked at Kayley.

"How old are you?"

"36."

"Well that's a** lot** more than me. I think it's old."

"Well if you don't start being nicer to me, I'm not gonna let you sit on my bed anymore."

"Okay, I'll sit with Grandma," she scooted off the bed and climbed up onto Nora's lap, who was laughing hysterically at the situation.

"Fine, take her side," Chandler looked up at his mother.

Nora laughed. "I'm not taking her side," she kissed Kayley on the tip of her nose, causing her to giggle. "Because if you're old, that would make me pretty close to ancient," she paused, looking down at Kayley. "But don't you say anything, you're on my side," she whispered, and Chandler laughed, watching as Kayley took a second to think that over, eventually losing interest in the conversation and getting up and going back to her coloring book.

~*~

"Has he ate anything all day?" Monica whispered to Ross, who shook his head. "Well, thanks," she sighed.

"No problem," he kissed her cheek. "See you, Mon."

"Bye," she watched him walk out the door before going over to Chandler's bed and sitting down. "Hey, baby," she said softly, taking his hand.

"Hey," he mumbled in response, not bothering to open his eyes.

"You need to eat something."

Chandler sighed, looking up at her, "God, not you, too."

"Chandler-"

"Why? If I eat anything, I'll just throw it up anyway. If I don't eat there's nothing there to throw up," he said before squeezing his eyes shut once again.

Monica sighed, watching him. "Babe," she said softly, touching his cheek.

"I hate this," he said, voice shaky. "I fucking hate this."

"I know," she whispered back, and when he once again turned to look at her, she could see the tears threatening in his eyes. 'God, don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry,' she thought, squeezing his hand.

"I can't do this anymore," he finally said, and Monica's head snapped up.

"Chandler Bing, you cannot give up-"

"I'm not giving up," he interrupted her. "I just…if this doesn't work, I can't take going through all of this again. I can't do it again…"

"Chandler…"

"Mon," he looked her in the eye, and she looked down, feeling him squeeze her hand.

"You are allowed to cry," she finally said, looking back up, knowing that he was trying hard not to.

"I know," he smiled at her. "But then you'll cry and I hate it when you cry."

Monica laughed, leaning down to hug him. "You can't give up, though," she said as she pulled away. "I need you too much."

"I know," Chandler whispered in return, resting his hand on her stomach, looking her in the eye. "I need you, too."

To

Be

Continued…


	8. Little Things in Life

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 8~ Little Things in Life

"Turn left here." *Jamie turns left and a few seconds later the backseat goes silent* "Um, why did you turn left back there?" *Katie bursts out laughing* (deadpan) "Because Katie told me to." *Katie continues to laugh hysterically* "Since when do you listen to Katie?" *we come out in the exact same place that we were five minutes earlier* "Well not since now…" LOL, I just love my friends and how nice they are to me. And while we're laughing at me, I got ran over today. On the stairs. This girl came running up the stairs and ran straight into me and we both fell over and I grabbed for my friend and she wasn't paying attention and was like "What are you doing?" LOL, it was hilarious. Cause, you know, people fall, everyone else stops to stare and laugh…And while we're talking about laughing at people still, you gotta love the people who forget their locker combination over spring break and stand there, banging their head against the lockers going "16-something-43…16-something-43" as if that will somehow cancel out the middle number and magically open it.

But anyway, you know how you get to a point in a fic and you're like, omg, what have I gotten myself into and how am I ever gonna get myself out of it? And then there's that moment where it all finally falls into place and you wanna jump up and do Chandler's happy dance screaming "Jamie rules all! Jamie rules all!" Not that I actually do Chandler's happy dance. Or sing the Jamie-Rules-All song. Not that there even is a song. But speaking of Chandler's happy dance, I miss that. He hasn't done that on the show for a long time…they need to have something good happen so he can do his happy dance. Like have Monica be pregnant. So that they can have a baby before the show ends. And they need to get Ross and Rachel back together before the show ends. Yes, guilty, I used to be a die-hard RnR fan (ever noticed that I tend to have them be together in my fics…)…but then they had Chandler and Monica get together and I just like them together so much more…and I think it's hilarious when Ross and Rachel hate each other and fight constantly. But I'll shut up about my opinions on…everything.

Oh, and see all that rambling up there? That can be blamed on Becca and Llew. You guys do realize that admitting out loud that you actually enjoy my rambling only encourages me, right? ;)

Chandler sat, stunned to silence. He wanted to sing and scream at the top of his lungs and jump up on that stupid receptionist counter in the waiting room and do his happy dance in front of everyone. That was the one word that he had been waiting to hear. One word, that after the past three months, he had doubted that he would actually hear.

Remission.

The cancer had gone into remission.

He'd been dreading this appointment for the week that he'd been home, knowing that all they'd tell him was that the second round of chemo didn't work and what they'd be doing next…

Chandler grinned, shaking Dr. Grace's hand as he said he'd see him in three months for tests…He wasn't really listening, though. It was that feeling of being extremely happy, ecstatic, floating on air.

Life was good again. He was okay. It was all going to be okay. He had no reason to give up. It was all going to be okay. The future that he thought was slowly moving out of his grasp was now completely palpable once again.

~*~

Chandler walked up behind Monica, who was cooking something on the stove and had obviously not heard him come in. He leaned down and kissed her neck, grinning when she turned to face him. He kissed her again on the lips, looking down as he placed his hands on her stomach.

When he looked back up, their eyes locked, and he once again grinned. Monica smiled back; she didn't even have to ask how his appointment went. It had scared her to death that he had wanted to give up, that he said he couldn't do it anymore. But now he wouldn't have to. **They** wouldn't have to.

Monica smiled against his lips as he kissed her again.

It was really going to be okay. 

~*~

"No! I need my pink sandals!" Kayley squirmed away from Chandler.

"I don't know where your pink sandals are, baby," he sighed. It was her first day of preschool. She was going in the afternoons this year and both Monica and Chandler were going to take her, so Chandler was finishing getting her ready, waiting for Monica to get home from work.

"But I hafta wear my pink sandals," she repeated as Monica walked in the front door.

"Pink sandals?" Chandler asked, looking up at her.

"Let's go find them, Kayley," she held her hand out to her, smiling at Chandler and hitting the back of his hat as they walked by.

Chandler smiled. He was learning to love, to appreciate, the little things. He felt like before, he'd taken everything, everyone, for granted. But now he wanted to cherish all of it. Kayley's laugh, her nightly request for butterfly kisses before bed. The way Monica kissed, the smile she gave to him and him alone. How excited Joey had been after his first day filming his movie, the way he'd described it the way a little kid would describe their first day of school. The way Phoebe had of always making anyone smile. How the promise he and Ross had made at the age of 20 to remain friends forever was still going strong. The fact that Rachel had returned every single gift she had ever received, but how the word return hadn't even crossed her mind when the only thing under the tree one year had been an engagement ring, and when she asked where all the presents were, he got down on one knee underneath all the Christmas lights, and she cried…Kayley's "I love you, Daddy"…The look in Monica's eyes when she said "I love you." 

"Found 'em!" Kayley came running back into the room.

"Where were they?"

"Under my bed," she grinned, and Chandler smiled back. It was the little things. And that's what he was going to enjoy from now on. The little things.

~*~

"Okay, um, before I start carving the turkey, I would just like to say that I have not actually eaten Thanksgiving food in," he paused, thinking, "28 years, I believe. But I figure I'd might as well give in to this stupid holiday eventually and be thankful and eat turkey and stuff," he rolled his eyes, getting an assortment of "Thank God" and "It's about time"'s from all of his friends.

"So no more depressing stories about how your parents got divorced on Thanksgiving anymore?" Phoebe asked, and everyone else laughed.

"No," he smiled back. "Or not every year at least," he winked at her. 

Chandler had gone back to the doctor the week before and his tests were still clear, so he felt the need to actually be thankful on Thanksgiving. So that's what he was doing.

"Okay, so who wants dark meat and who wants light meat…"

~*~

"Chandler," Monica said. "Chandler," she repeated, shaking his shoulder.

"Hmm," he mumbled, still asleep.

"Chandler, wake up."

"What, why?" he mumbled again.

"Because your babies have a thing with making late-night entrances," she replied, and he finally rolled over, looking up at her,

"What?"

"The baby's coming now."

"N-now?" he sat up. "Then what are you doing still just sitting there? We need to get you bag and call your parents and call my parents and call Ross and Rachel and get Kayley up and drop her off at their house and go to the hospital," he rambled, getting out of bed and pulling on the pair of jeans he'd worn the day before, grabbing his glasses off of the dresser.

Monica laughed, watching him. In the past few months everything had gone back to normal, and she thanked god everyday for that.

"What?"

"You remember this taking 13 hours with Kayley, right? So we probably don't have to be in that big of a hurry…"

"Well didn't you hear all of those things we have to do?" he walked back over to the bed, holding his hand out to help her up. "And doesn't it usually take longer with the first kid?" he asked, and Monica raised her eyebrows, impressed. "Yep, I know some stuff," he grinned at her.

"Great, that helps me a lot. Now go get Kayley," she stopped suddenly, squeezing his hand as another contraction hit.

"Wait, I can wait," he stopped, placing a hand on her back.

Monica shook her head. "Go get Kayley, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Monica nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back," he kissed her forehead before going down the hall into Kayley's room. He found a backpack and packed a change of clothes for her to put on in the morning before going to get her up. He leaned down to pick her up, not really wanting to wake her.

Kayley opened her eyes anyway, squinting up at him. "Is it morning?"

"No, it's not, baby," he whispered.

"Then where are we going?"

"Mommy's going to have the baby, so we're going to the hospital, and we're going to drop you off at Uncle Ross and Aunt Rachel's on the way, and then you can come in the morning," he explained as he put her coat on over her pajamas.

"Kay," she yawned, leaning her head back against his chest as he walked down the stairs.

"Are we ready to go?" he asked Monica, who was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, and she nodded. "Okay, then let's go," he once again helped her up. "Wait, where's my keys?" Monica held out his keys. "Right," he smiled, taking them from her as they went out to the car. He put Kayley in her car seat and helped Monica get in before running over to the driver's side and getting in. "Did you call Ross and Rachel yet?" he asked as he started the car, and she shook her head, so he took out his cell phone.

"I can do that, though," she said, so he handed her the phone. "And don't you want a coat?" she laughed, motioning to the t-shirt he was wearing. "It is kind of snowing out…"

"Crap," he looked down. "I'll be right back," he got out, running inside to get his coat.

~*~

Chandler watched Monica, eyes closed in exhaustion and pain, as he traced small circled on her hand with his thumb.

"I'll be right back, babe. I'm gonna go to the bathroom," he moved to stand up, but Monica looked up, holding onto his hand tightly.

"Wait, don't leave me."

"Mon, I really have to pee," he smiled at her.

"Just wait a few minutes, after the next one…please?"

Chandler smiled, sitting back down on the edge of her bed, brushing a few strands of sweat-soaked hair off of her forehead. "I'll wait."

They both looked up as the doctor walked into the room.

"How much longer?" Monica asked, thinking that it hadn't seemed to be this bad with Kayley.

The doctor pause before answering. "Well, you haven't made much progress at all in the past couple of hours, and the baby's blood pressure is starting to fall, It's still high enough and everything's okay right now, though," she added as she quickly recognized the look of panic on both of their faces. "We can give it a little more time, but if you still don't progress any, or if the baby's blood pressure gets too low we'll need to do a c-section."

"How much longer do we wait?" Monica asked.

"That depends. We don't want the baby's blood pressure to get too low, so if we wait too long, we're risking it," she paused. "We can schedule a c-section in half an hour, as long as nothing happens before then," she paused again. "Does that sound alright?"

Monica looked up at Chandler before nodding.

"Okay," she smiled back at them. "I'll be right back."

~*~

"It's okay, it'll all be over in a few minutes," Chandler whispered softly as he kissed Monica's forehead, and she squeezed his hand in response.

"I can't see what's happening," she looked at him.

"Trust me, Mon, you don't want to," he made a face at all of the blood and stuff before looking back to Monica, staring into her eyes, mouthing "I love you."

"Mom and Dad, it's a girl," the doctor said, and a few seconds later, the sound of crying filled the room.

"She's beautiful, Mon," Chandler said, leaning down to kiss her. "God, she's beautiful."

They both watched in awe as they cleaned her off, wrapping her in a blanket before handing her to Chandler, who then walked over to Monica.

Monica wordlessly took the baby, still screaming and crying, from Chandler. "Welcome to the world, little one," she whispered, and Chandler wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Felicia," he finally said.

"What?"

"The name Felicia means happiness," he said, looking down at her. "And after the past six, seven months, that's definitely what I'm feeling now," he smiled at her.

"Felicia," Monica repeated. "I like that."

"I love you so much," Chandler grinned.

"I love you, too."

"And I seriously have to pee so bad still," he said, and Monica laughed slightly. "I'm going to go tell everyone that everything's okay and that it's a girl, and then I'm gonna go pee."

Monica smiled at him, shaking her head. "Okay."

"Okay," he repeated, staring back at her. "I'd tell you that you're amazing, but you're pretty self-assured, so you probably already know that."

Monica laughed again, "Get out of here already."

Chandler grinned. "I love you," he kissed her. "And I love you, too," he kissed the baby as well before turning to go. "I'll be back in, like, five minutes," he smiled at her, turning to leave. "Oh, and, by the way, you are amazing," he added with a grin before walking out the door.

To

Be

Continued…

And now you're all like where the hell are you going with this…but I know…just trust me…and review…and word to the double r's…lol, I love misunderstandings that turn into inside jokes…


	9. Leaving it All Behind

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 9~ Leaving it All Behind

Hey all, thanks so much for the reviews :) And whoever said they didn't like the name Felicia, after this girl on the other team at my soccer game today, I'm not too fond of the name either, lol. But seriously, that's the name of one of my best friends who I've known since I was like six and she's one of the only people who's always been there for me unconditionally, so…yeah. And sorry if the last couple of chapters haven't been all that great, I think they all seemed kinda rushed, but I'm trying to move forward in time without actually skipping too much time…know what I mean? And I swear that I'm almost to where I'm going with all of this, LOL.

Oh, and catnamedzane, I have a few things to say to you…Jamie is not a boy's name! And, I mean, what kind of a name is Brittany? I mean…it's like…you know…Okay, I'm obviously **really** bad with the whole insulting thing. And have I really never signed my actual name on any of your reviews…really? Hmm. I swear I have. Or maybe you just weren't paying attention…Well then I'll just ignore you, too. Hmpf. But Jamie is not a boy's name!!! The ironic thing is that I had this exact opposite argument with someone a couple of days ago…that Jamie can be a guy's name. **Can** be a guy's name. LOL, but enough with that…and yep, it was me that said that my math teacher one year (you even remembered the right teacher, lol) said the never assume thing. Wow, that had to have been in one of my first fics cuz my geometry teacher in 8th grade said that…I loved him. He was hilarious and he looked like Bruce Willis and would start his stories "This blue-eyed, smart-alec kid who looked an awful lot like me used to say…" Um, just in case you cared, lol. 

"Wake up, wake up, wake up," Kayley jumped on her parents' bed.

"Kayley, it's five o'clock," Chandler mumbled, not getting up.

"But it's Christmas! Santa Came!" she sat down on the bed. "C'mon, get up," she continued to bounce, though now sitting down.

"Why don't we just lay here for a little while longer," Chandler yawned, pulling her under the covers.

"Huh-uh, then I'll fall 'sleep," she wiggled out of his arms. "I gotta get Mommy up, too."

"Let your mom sleep, baby," he sat up, giving up on getting anymore sleep. Felicia was just over three weeks old, and in those three weeks, they'd hardly gotten any sleep. Kayley had pretty much slept through the night when she was a baby, but Felicia liked to make her presence known.

"See? Felicia wants to get up, too," Kayley said, hearing her crying.

"I can get her," Chandler said when Monica rolled over.

"What time is it?" she mumbled.

"A little after five."

"And we gotta get up and open presents!" Kayley grinned.

"We could let her open a few presents now and she'll probably pass out again in about half-an-hour," Monica said quietly and Chandler nodded before moving to go get Felicia.

~*~

"Merry Christmas to you, too," Ross deadpanned as he, Rachel, and Emma walked into the Bings' house and into the living room, where they found all four of them asleep.

Monica sat up from the recliner she'd fallen asleep in, looking around, awakened by the sound of Ross's voice.

"Good morning," Rachel smiled at her.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Oh my god, are you serious?"

"Yeah," Rachel laughed. "What time did you guys get up?"

"Five," she answered, walking over to where Felicia was asleep in her playpen. "Kayley wanted to get up and open presents and we figured that if she got up then, she'd probably just go back to sleep again shortly…I guess we all did."

"She doesn't like having to share her daddy, does she?" Rachel asked, nodding toward Kayley asleep on the couch, cuddled up to her dad. Monica smiled in return, shaking her head before turning back to pick up Felicia when she started to fuss. "Hey, we can watch her if you guys want to go take a shower and get cleaned up or whatever," Rachel offered.

"Why do you have to watch her, all she does is sleep?" Emma asked.

"Emma," both Ross and Rachel said, but Monica just laughed.

"That's what Kayley said. She said that we should've gotten her a different sister because she's boring. She just sleeps and cries," Monica smiled, handing the baby to Rachel before walking over to the couch, kneeling down next to Chandler.

"I think she needs to be changed," Rachel said. "I'll be right back," she walked out of the room, Emma following.

"Chandler," Monica said softly before kissing him on the lips. "Babe, wake up," she said again, and he finally opened his eyes. "Morning gorgeous."

"Or good afternoon as the case might be," Ross added.

"What time is it?" Chandler sat up slowly, trying not to wake up Kayley.

"Noon. Do you want to go take a shower and stuff?"

"Sure," he got up, still careful not to wake Kayley. "Are you coming, too?"

"See, that's too much information," Ross interrupted.

"Not to do **that**," Chandler grinned at him. "It's only been three weeks, it's too soon to-"

"Seriously, still too much information."

Monica laughed, ignoring her brother. "Come on, Bing. You need a shower, you stink," she said as she started upstairs.

"I don't stink," he said defensively, smelling his shirt. "Eh," he shrugged, following her.

~*~

"Wait, don't move!" Rachel said as Monica moved to stand up. "While the four of you are all sitting there together I need to get a picture," she said, running to get her camera, taking a picture. "You guys would make a really cute Christmas card."

"Maybe next year, Rach," Chandler said, taking Felicia from Monica as she stood up.

"Okay, so what time do we want to eat at?"

"How about right after that preposition," Ross said, causing the three other adults to turn and look at him. "Um, you asked what time do we want to eat **at**. You're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition," he explained. "It should be what time do we want to **eat**."

Monica, Chandler, and Rachel exchanged glances, trying not to laugh.

"Okay," Monica finally said. "Well, what time do we want to **eat**?" she asked, mocking Ross and emphasizing the last word.

"Fine, mock me. You're the ones teaching your kids to speak improper English."

"You really think a three or a four-year old knows what a preposition is?" Chandler asked, looking over at Kayley and Emma, who were now busy playing with their new toys. "Or did you mean Felicia," he asked as she started to whimper, "because she's clearly upset by this conversation," he stood up.

Ross sighed. "Fine. What time do you want to eat **at**."

Chandler looked at him, trying to keep a straight face. "Right after that preposition, dude."

"Mon, do me a favor and take your daughter from him so that I can kick his ass."

"Okay, so we're going to eat at what time?" Monica asked trying to change the subject, and Ross sighed again, giving up as Rachel smiled at him in apology.

~*~

"So here's to leaving a shitty year behind," Chandler said as the countdown to the New Year began and the ball started to drop on the television screen. "And to the one good thing that came out of it," he added with a smile, meaning Felicia.

"If I had a drink in my hand I'd toast to that," Monica smiled in return as the room full of people at Ross and Rachel's began to count down from ten.

"Have you even been to Times Square for New Years?" Chandler asked, and Monica shook her head. "Me neither. We should do that some year."

"Mmm-hmm," Monica agreed as the countdown reached one, the room erupting with noise, everyone kissing. "Happy New Year," she grinned as they pulled away.

"Happy New Year," Chandler replied, grinning as well.

"New year, new start."

"New year, new start," he repeated.

"Do you think we should get going pretty soon? We told the babysitter one," Monica looked at Chandler, concerned.

"Yeah, probably," Chandler said as Rachel came over to them.

"Hey," she grinned. "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year," they both replied.

"You guys having fun?"

"Yeah," Chandler smiled, "we were just going to take off, though. We told the babysitter one."

"Well thanks for coming," she hugged him, understanding.

"Thank you," he replied. "And tell Ross that I would've said goodbye, but I wasn't sure where he was **at**," he added with a smirk.

"I'll be sure to tell him that," Rachel laughed.

"Well, I'm gonna go start the car, Mon. It's like negative 20 out," he turned to go. "Bye, Rach."

"Bye," she smiled back, watching him walk away before turning back to Monica. "He looks like he's doing a lot better lately."

Monica smiled. "Yeah he is."

"Who is?"

"And what are you doing up, missy?" Rachel looked down at Emma.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Well, let's go read a story and see if that helps," she picked her up. "I'll see you later, Mon," she smiled at Monica.

"Bye. Goodnight, Emma."

"Night, Aunt Monica," she replied before yawning, laying her head against her mother's shoulder.

"Happy New Year," Rachel added as she turned to leave.

"Happy New Year."

~*~

Chandler walked through the door, into an empty house. But it was just fine with him that no one was home yet. He wanted to be alone. He needed to be alone.

He slammed the door shut. Who was he kidding; he didn't want to be alone. He slammed his briefcase down on the kitchen counter in frustration before collapsing into one of the chairs, almost in tears.

It wasn't fair.

To

Be

Continued…

Okay, so one of my old friends used to do the what time is it at, right after that prepostion thing and it bugged the crap outta me, but I could so see it being something that Ross said so I had to use it, LOL. But anyway, please review :)


	10. Time Makes You Bolder

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 10~ Time Makes You Bolder

Ladies and Gentlemen, me and my best friend (wow, that's some really great grammar right there, lol) pulled off, like, the greatest April fool's day joke ever, lol…so I have to share it :) Okay, so we've had testing the past couple of days at school, but it's only freshmen and sophomores, so the upper-classmen didn't have to come, and we got out at noon. Well, my friend and I were going to meet our other friends for lunch after we got out of school, so we called them when we got out and told them that we were done, so to come meet us. Well, on the way to Panera (where we'd decided to have lunch the night before) I realize, hey, it's April fool's day, and I, being me, am not going to pass that chance up. So we pull into a different parking lot and decide to play a little joke on them. Well, they finally get to Panera and they call us and are like where are you and I say "we're here, where are you (I never said where 'here' was, smooth, eh)" and she said that they were at Panera, where were we, so I was like "but she told me it was Applebee's" so they laughed about us getting that wrong and then they were like okay, we're on our way (we went into a shoe store so that it really sounded like we were someplace, and, apparently I talk pretty loud cuz all the other people there got quite a kick out of the whole situation…). So then we go to Panera and go inside and sit down, and about ten minutes later get another call asking where the hell we are. And I'm like, Panera, where are you, and she goes, "no, you told me to come to Applebee's" and I'm like "no, I said hold on, we'll be right there" so she sighs and finally is like "okay, STAY RIGHT THERE, we're coming" and I crack up and I'm like "what's today?" There's a pause and she finally goes "The first…of April…oh my god I hate you" and then they crack up cuz they realize what's going on, and we're cracking up, and they finally get to Panera and we have lunch, being paranoid the whole time that they were plotting against us to get us back. Okay, SORRY, but I so had to share that cuz I can't believe we actually pulled it off, lol. Seriously, how much do we rule? 

Hearing the garage door open, Chandler looked up, watching as Monica pulled into the driveway. He sighed and stood up, hoping that it didn't look like he was about to cry.

"Daddy!" Kayley came running through the door, knowing that he was home since his car was in the garage.

"Hey, baby," he picked her up, giving her a kiss.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Next month I'll be this many," she held up four fingers. "And then, after that, I'll be this many," she held out five fingers. "That's a whole hand old!"

"Really?"

"Yep," she grinned.

"Hey, you're home early," Monica said, walking in with Felicia.

"Yeah, kinda."

"When'd you get home?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago," he replied, putting Kayley down. "How was your day?" he asked, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Pretty good, how was yours?"

"Okay," he said absentmindedly as he lifted Felicia up out of the baby-carrier.

Monica paused, setting the diaper bag and the mail on the counter, studying Chandler. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he looked up. "It's just been a really long day."

"I know what you mean," Monica sighed. "Today was just one of those days. During the lunch shift, Madi wasn't paying attention and completely forgot what she was cooking, and she…"

Chandler looked down at Felicia, who was intently staring back at his face. He smiled slightly, letting her suck on his finger, studying her eyes. She had Monica's eyes.

Monica looked up at Chandler, realizing that he'd stopped listening to her story. She watched him, his attention completely focused on the baby in his arms. Normally she would have found it incredibly sweet, but there was something else there that struck her. He was being…distant. Very distant.

And that thought scared her to death; she remembered what had been wrong the last time he'd been acting that distant. But she brushed that thought away, deciding that there was probably nothing wrong. It was Monday, and it was cloudy and dreary, and that weather had put everyone in a rather melancholy mood.

And, if anything were wrong, he'd tell her.

"Mon?" Monica looked up at the sound of his voice. "Are **you** okay?"

"Yeah, fine," she smiled.

"Okay, well she needs to be changed, so I'm gonna go change her and then go get changed," he said. "I'll be right back," he smiled at her before walking out of the room.

Monica watched him go, trying to decide if there really was something bugging him or not.

"I'm hungry," Kayley came running into the kitchen.

"Well we're going to eat pretty soon."

"But I'm hungry **now**," she looked up at her mother. "Can I have a cookie?"

"Sure," Monica answered, her thoughts too preoccupied with Chandler for her to care. 

If anything were wrong, he'd tell her.

Wouldn't he?

~*~

"But, **why** do I hafta take a bath?"

"Because you do, Kayley," Chandler sighed.

"But because **why**?"

"Because I said so."

"But **why**?"

"Kayley Christine," he warned, and at the change in his tone of voice, she finally gave in, running down the hall to the bathroom.

"Chandler," Monica came up the stairs. "It's Joey," she held out the phone. "I'll go give Kayley her bath," she smiled, cutting him off before he even had a chance to say anything. "Well, if you can take her and give her a bath after you're done talking to Joe," she handed him the baby before giving the phone to him.

"Sure," he said. "Oh, and she's doing the whole why-do-I-have-to-take-a-bath-thing again, just a warning," he smiled at her before uncovering the mouthpiece on the phone. "Hey, Joe, what's up?" he smiled at her before walking away.

~*~

"I really hope this being difficult thing is just a phase," Monica said as Chandler sat down on the bed next to her.

"Well, she is your kid," Chandler grinned at her to show that he was only kidding. "And Miss Felicia here seems to have the idea that she should be difficult, too," he leaned back against the pillows, the baby lying against his chest.

Monica watched as he rubbed her back, trying to get her to go back to sleep, but her eyes stubbornly refusing to shut. Monica smiled before turning her attention back to what she'd been watching on the TV before he came into the room.

"Um, Mon?" Chandler finally said, and Monica looked back over to him. "They, um, they called me with my test results today," he said quietly, and, from the look on his face, Monica didn't even have to ask what the results had been.

"Oh, Chandler," she moved closer to him, and he broke eye contact, looking back down at Felicia. Monica took his other hand and squeezed it, trying to block one thought from her mind.

He had said that he couldn't do this again. He'd told her that the last time. That if it didn't work, he couldn't go through everything all over again.

Monica looked up at him, trying not to cry. "Chandler," she said softly. "Chandler," she repeated, and he finally looked up at her. "Before…you said that you-that you couldn't go through all of that again…" she trailed off, and he leaned over, wiping the tears off of her cheeks with his free hand, trying not to cry himself. "Were you-were you serious?"

Chandler looked her in the eye. He had been serious then. He hadn't wanted to go through all of that again, he hadn't been sure that he could. But time changes things, and a lot had happened in the past six months.

He finally nodded. "I was serious," he said quietly, and Monica started to cry again, but Chandler lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "I was serious **then**," he repeated. "Not now," he wiped her tears away with his thumb. "It'll be just like last time…It'll suck, but just when we start to give up hope, it'll all be okay," he looked her in the eye, shifting Felicia, who was still in his arms, so that he could kiss Monica. He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning his forehead against hers.

He couldn't let her know that he was scared to death, too. She had to believe that he had complete faith in everything being okay in the end. 

"It'll all be okay," he repeated in a whisper, trying to convince her as much as he was himself. "It's all gonna be okay."

To

Be

Continued…

Yeah, so I got really ambitious and pretty much wrote the next two parts of this, too, but there's no guarantee that I'm not gonna change 'em before I post them…so please review, thanks :)


	11. Grey Ceiling on the Earth

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 11~ Grey Ceiling on the Earth

"Wouldn't it be, like, really cool if you were talking to this guy, and his name was Mark, and you had a question…Cause then you could be, like, 'Question, Mark.'"

Hey again, thanks for the reviews. And for sharing all of the April Fool's Day stories. They made me laugh. :) Okay, so, I have this four-inch bruise on my shin that's in the shape of Africa. Well, **I** thought it was cool. One of my friends made fun of me and asked what possessed me to be like "I think I'm gonna stare at this bruise until I can see what shape it resembles…" but my brother thought it was cool. Not that you really care, just…ya know…I don't know. LOL, okay, so I think I know how I want this to go for the rest of this, and I'm thinking it's gonna be around 18 parts, give or take a couple. Just so you know. Okay…

"And this is the part that sucks," Chandler said, kissing Monica.

"Yeah, this is the part that sucks," Kayley repeated.

"Kayley!" both of her parents scolded, trying not to laugh.

"Don't say sucks," Chandler said as Monica lifted her up onto his bed.

"But you did."

"Well…I'm an adult."

"I can't wait till I'm an adult so I can say bad words. And do all the other stuff you're not supposed to do."

"Like what?"

"Well, Mommy always tells you to not do stuff, like put your feet up on the table in the living room and drink out of the juice carton and then put it back and then you do it anyways."

Chandler laughed, pulling her into his words in a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby," he kissed her forehead.

"Butterfly kisses," Kayley said, almost automatically.

Chandler smiled, happily obliging. "I love you."

"Love you, Daddy," she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Bye."

"Bye," Chandler replied as Monica sat down on the bed next to him, handing him Felicia. He leaned down, kissing the baby on top of her head. Monica watched, and for the first time it occurred to her that this would be the first time he'd spend the night away from Felicia. "I love you," he murmured quietly, kissing her again.

"Bye, babe," Monica said, running her hand through his hair as she kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied sadly. "You'd probably better get going," he said after a couple of minutes. "You have to work tomorrow and Kayley has school."

Monica took a deep breath and nodded, determined not to cry. She kissed him again before standing up, helping Kayley get down before taking Felicia from Chandler.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she squeezed his hand. "Bye."

"Bye," he said one last time, blowing kisses back to Kayley when she blew him kisses as they walked out of the room.

Chandler sighed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He was alone. But even thought he was alone, he still refused to cry. Crying would be giving in to this. And he wasn't about to give in. But opening his eyes and looking around the empty room, his sight landing on the picture that Rachel had taken of the four of them on Christmas that was sitting on the bedside table, he sighed.

This was the part that sucked.

~*~

"Hey, you," Monica almost jumped at the sound of Chandler's voice.

"Hey," she smiled, looking up from the magazine that she'd been reading. "How you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess," he shrugged. "It's kind of late, what are you doing here?"

"Spending the night with you," she stood up, walking over to his bed.

"Where are Kayley and Felicia?"

"They're staying with Ross and Rachel," she sat down on the bed next to him.

"Why?"

"So that I can stay here with you, silly," she smiled at him.

"You don't have to, you know," he said, and she knew not to take it offensively.

"Yeah, I do," she whispered, lying down beside him. "I can't sleep without my teddy-bear." Chandler laughed, remembering that conversation. "And don't worry, the girls'll be fine with Ross and Rachel."

"I know," he mumbled, kissing the top of her head. "And in that case, I do need you to stay."

Monica smiled, resting her head against his chest, knowing that as much as he needed her to be there, she needed to be there with him as well.

~*~

"Good morning, Dr. Grace."

"Hey, Chandler. How are you feeling today?"

"Well, considering that fact that I've been puking all morning, just swell," he smiled at him.

"Did I see Monica here earlier?"

"Yeah, she just went to go get some coffee. She'll be back in a couple of minutes, why?"

"Well, I was hoping to talk to the two of you."

Chandler looked at him, uncertain and untrusting. "Why?"

"Well," he started, but was cut off when Monica walked back into the room.

"Hi, Dr. Grace," she smiled, seeing him.

"Hi, Monica, I was just hoping to talk to the both of you."

"Okay," Monica said slowly, leaning against the edge of the bed.

Dr. Grace took a deep breath, looking at both of them before starting. "Um, we've been doing the chemo for almost two weeks now, and although we don't expect complete recovery in that amount of time, we do usually see a response," he paused.

"Meaning…" Chandler looked at him.

The doctor looked back at him. These were the moments that he hated this. He hated having to tell anyone this. He didn't deserve to be told this. He wasn't even 40. He had two young children.

Taking a deep breath, he finally started again. "You've stopped responding to treatment."

"But how? I mean, it's making me sick like it did last time," Chandler looked at him.

"That's your body's response to the medication," he explained. "But the cancer hadn't responded this time."

Chandler closed his eyes, rubbing his temples as the doctor continued to speak.

"There is still the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, but first we'll need to find someone with whom you're compatible. Siblings are usually the best shots, if-"

"I'm an only child," he interrupted him.

"Well, we'll test your family, your friends, to see if anyone's a match. And if not, you'll get put on a list," he stopped again. "And there are some…experimental, if you will, treatments, but not here. There is a very promising one at a hospital in California…"

"How much longer?" Chandler asked. "Without the treatments, and if we couldn't find a donor, how much loner?" he looked at him.

"Weeks, months," he answered, honestly. "Leukemia is one of the most rapidly spreading cancers."

"And-and with the experimental treatment thing? How much longer would that make it?"

"It's not certain, they're just trials," he paused. "But honestly…weeks, months…"

Chandler shook his head. "Then…no," he said softly, and Monica turned to face him. Chandler closed his eyes, not able to take the pain reflected in her eyes as well as his own. "I mean, okay to the bone marrow transplant if you find a match…but if this-if this is…it, then…I-I want to be at home…with my family," he said quietly, voice shaky.

The doctor nodded, understanding. "We'll stop the chemo and give you a chance to recover a little from that…and then you can go home," he smiled slightly at them. "I'll give you some time alone," he turned to leave. "And, for what it's worth, I am sorry."

"Don't shoot the messenger, eh?" Chandler forced at smile, and he smiled back before shutting the door behind him.

Chandler laced his fingers through Monica's, squeezing her hand. She turned to face him, and they sat that way, staring back at each other in an unbearable silence, for what seemed like forever, until Monica finally broke down crying, and Chandler pulled her into his arms, letting her cry into his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in her hair, silently crying.

Monica pulled back slightly, looking at him. "It still has to be okay. I can't-I can't live without you," she said shakily. "You're my rock, I need you…" she trailed off, and he pulled her back into his arms, not sure what to say, not even sure that it was all going to be okay anymore. "You're my rock…"

To

Be

Continued…

Please review, I'll have the next part up as soon as I can :)


	12. Please Don’t Stop Loving Me

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 12~ Please Don't Stop Loving Me

"What the hell would possess you to wear flip-flops when there's five inches of snow on the ground and snow still falling?"

"Well, why not?"

"Um, the reasons I **just** said?"

Okay, so it's definitely SNOWING outside…seriously, someone forgot to tell mother nature, that, hello, it's APRIL. It's not supposed to SNOW in APRIL. Hmpf. And if one more person I talk to online goes "Snow? I love snow!" I am going to hunt them down and kick their ass…and then ask to stay with them till it gets warmer here. And I should be doing homework…but…I don't really feel like it. So…here I am. Oh, Yen~ in your review when you said "::cough::thatsalie::couch::" I was like what? That's Alie? Why do I care if that's Alie? And then I realized, hey, there should be another space…that's_a_lie. LOL, yeah, kinda slow sometimes…don't leave confusing reviews, please :) Oh, and anyone wanting to hunt me down and kill me can feel free to team up with Becca and Yen…But when Becca says she knows where I live, don't believe her. That's Alie. Get it? Like before…that's a lie…wow, I crack myself up, lol…well, me and only me…

For the first couple of weeks after Chandler came home, it was different than it had been before. After he'd gotten home before, he'd been extremely happy and upbeat, no matter how he felt. But now, it was practically the exact opposite of that. 

He'd given up.

When no one in his family had been a match, he'd still had some hope. Some. But after his friends had been tested as well, he'd given up. Totally and completely this time. His heart had given up on him. He had it in his head that this was it, and he was just going to let it happen. Why get his hopes up that they were going to find a donor when there was no guarantee that they would? Why be happy or be the source of anyone else's happiness, just to be the reason for bringing them to tears shortly after?

But it wasn't that he was doing anything to make anyone mad at him or anything…He wasn't doing anything. And that was the problem. He'd completely shut everyone out. He'd left anything having to do with Kayley and Felicia to Monica. He was hardly speaking to anyone.

Monica rolled over in bed, groaning at the sound of Felicia crying. Looking over at Chandler and realizing that he wasn't even about to get up, she threw a pillow at his head as hard as she could.

"What the hell was that for?" Chandler sat up suddenly, throwing the pillow back at her, though not as hard.

"Stop it, Chandler!"

Chandler looked at her in confusion. "Stop what? Stop sleeping? It's four in the morning…"

"No, stop **this**," she snapped back. "All of this! Stop ignoring us, stop shutting us out!"

"But-"

"No but's Chandler! If you were to die tomorrow that wouldn't mean that I need you any less today," she put it bluntly. "I **need** you Chandler. Kayley needs you. Felicia needs you," she looked at him, not even attempting to hide the tears or to stop them.

Chandler looked down, not able to take being the reason that she was crying. He'd pretty much been deliberately shutting them out, and he felt guilty for that. You can't feel love, you can't feel pain, either. But he hadn't been thinking about how much he'd be hurting them right then. He was only thinking of what could happen…

"Do you ever regret us?" Chandler finally whispered, timidly looking up at her.

"Chandler Bing, I don't care how depressed you are or if you've just given up all hope or whatever, you-"

"I didn't mean it like that," he cut her off, seeing how hurt she was by that. "I just, I meant…if you'd known that all of this was gonna happen…that it was going to end like this…"

"Chandler, I wouldn't trade my past eight, almost nine years with you for 90 years with any other person. If I had had only a week with you in my entire life knowing that that would be it, I would take it in a heartbeat. With no regrets. Don't you ever doubt that for a second," she said softly, touching his cheek, realizing the meaning behind his words hadn't been to hurt her. "And there are two girls that you have given me that I wouldn't trade for the world," she smiled at him. "Now you look at me, and you tell me that you regret anything that has happened between us," she looked into his eyes.

"I never said that I regretted it," he whispered back. "I don't regret anything about the past…everything in the past has led me to this point with you, and I wouldn't take it back for the world because I love you so incredibly much, so much it hurts. All three of you…So I couldn't regret anything about the past," he said, voice shaky. "The only thing I regret is the future…and that I won't be here."

Monica shook her head, about to interrupt him.

"Don't," he said before she had the chance to say anything. "You know as well as I do not to get your hopes up," he looked down. "Most people complain that they're about to turn 40," he laughed, "I'd kill to live to be 40…or even just 37…"

Monica looked at him, wiping the edges of his eyes, able to tell that he was about to cry. She didn't know what to say. She smiled slightly at him; at least he was talking to her now, showing emotions…

"I'll get her," Chandler whispered, hearing Felicia once again starting to cry. Monica nodded, watching him walk out of the room. "Hey, what's wrong," he said softly, lifting her out of her crib. "It's okay, Daddy's here," he sat down in the rocking chair, kissing her forehead, grinning as he got an idea…

__

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God

For all the love in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must've done something right

To deserve a hug every morning 

And butterfly kisses at night

To

Be

Continued…

Wow, that was kinda short…but I really need to go finish my homework…after I get done stalling a little more…in all truth, I'll probabaly yarmor a little bit (lol Becca…wow, I hope that isn't a real word that means something else, hehe…I wonder if the farmer yarmors…if it's not a guy…or if it is…wow, getting off the subject).… But anyway, please review, thanks bunches :-D


	13. Inevitable

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 13~ Inevitable

Okay, so I walk into first hour, right? Right. And there's no chair at my seat, right? Right. So, I take someone else's chair. So then when that kid gets there, he takes someone else's chair and so on and so on…Well, then after class starts my teacher decides that he doesn't want anyone sitting in the back row anymore, so we have to move. And guess where I end up…Without the chair again, lol. I just kinda stood there for a second like you gotta be kidding me. Karma, baby, lol. Ahh, fluffy pancakes and the smell of tennis balls…first hour rules…the conversations people have when they're not awake yet, lol. But anywayz…thanks for all the reviews. They make me smile :-) and some of them make me laugh :-D and it's nice to know that someone else finds me funny other than just…well, other than just me, lol. And thank you to Towshaz for agreeing with me that snow sucks. But you'll all be happy to know, er, you all won't really care, that it's nice here again. So I suppose I can live without hunting all of you down. And Kate…I'm sorry about Stephanie. And that is really ironic, especially the butterfly kisses thing…

Oh, I almost forgot…not to disappoint you all…but at the end of the last chapter, the idea thing…his idea was just to sing to Felicia, lol. Sorry if that mislead you, I really didn't mean to.

"Do you want to eat cake or open presents first?" Monica asked, and Kayley had to stop and think for a second before answering.

"Umm…Presents!" she finally said before running into the living room, four other little girls following.

"Open mine first!"

"No, open mine first!" the girls started arguing over whose present she should open first.

"No, open mine!"

"Wait," she interrupted them, so they stopped arguing. "Umm…I'll open Carli's first," she finally said, and Carli grinned in victory at the other girls.

"Wait, I need to get the video camera," Monica said before running out of the room.

Starting to get impatient, Kayley started slowly ripping off the wrapping paper of the present in her hands, thinking that no one would notice.

"Kayley," she looked up, and Chandler shook his head. "Just wait a second."

"How long's a second?"

"About how long it takes to say one-Mississippi."

"One-miss'ippi," she looked at him before starting on the present again.

"Kay, just wait till your mom gets back," he tried not to laugh. God, she was his kid.

"Okay, sorry," Monica came back into the room, and Kayley immediately started ripping the wrapping paper off.

"Monica got a new toy," Chandler teased, referring to her new video camera.

Monica smiled at him. "It's not a toy."

"Yeah, it's not a toy," Kayley looked up at him, having already learned that the hard way, before going back to working on unwrapping the presents.

"And we have one more present for you," Monica said after she'd opened the rest of the presents from her friends.

"I thought I already got my presents from you last night."

"Well, we have one more," Chandler stood up, motioning for her to follow him as he opened the back door.

"A dog!" she squealed, running over to where a not-quite full-grown golden retriever was tied up outside. "Hi, puppy," she said, giggling as it licked her face. "What's his name?"

"Her name's Honey," Chandler answered.

"Where'd you get her from?"

"My friend found out that his son's allergic to dogs, so they had to get rid of her."

"Thank you," she ran over to him, throwing her arms around him in a hug.

"You're welcome," he kissed her, and she ran over to give her mother a hug and a 'thank you' as well before going back over to where her friends were now gathered around the dog.

Chandler looked up at Monica, grinning at her when he saw that she was watching him, still recording, instead of Kayley. "How long's the video camera thing gonna last?" he laughed, and she just shrugged before turning her attention back to the girls.

~*~

"Chandler-"

Chandler held his finger up to his mouth, motioning for Monica to be quiet. He stood up from the rocking chair, handing Monica the empty bottle in his hand before placing a sleeping Felicia in her crib.

"Did you talk to Rachel today?" Monica asked after they'd gone into their room.

"Yeah," he answered, coughing a couple of times. "She said that they'll drop Emma off here around five tomorrow night. Well, Ross said five, Rachel kept saying that they didn't need that much time since the play doesn't start until nine," he laughed, lying down on the bed.

"Okay," Monica paused, looking at him. "Do you feel alright?"

"Yeah, just tired," he yawned, as if to illustrate his point.

"Okay," she looked at him, not believing him. "Well I'll be right back, I'm gonna go get ready for bed," she said before going into the bathroom. "Hey, Chandler," Monica came out a few minutes later, but stopped when she saw that he was already asleep. She smiled, kissing him on the forehead, her smile turning to a frown at how hot felt. "Chandler," she said once, and when he didn't respond, decided against waking him; he'd only insist that he was fine anyway. She went back into the bathroom, coming back a few seconds later with a thermometer, taking his temperature and getting more nervous as it went up. She took it out of his mouth when it was done, closing her eyes after she read it. 103.5°

"Chandler," she shook his shoulder. "Chandler," she repeated, panicking as she realized that he was out cold. "Shit…"

To

Be

Continued…


	14. What Do You Say

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 14~ What Do You Say

I'm doing my French homework. Really. I am. My French book and notebook are sitting right her in front of me. And it's the thought that counts, right? LOL, yeah, I'll tell that to my teacher tomorrow…and then he'll be like "je ne comprends pas" cuz I'll explain in English and he ALWAYS does that when we speak in English…and then I'll get frustrated and say "laissez-faire." Or however that's spelled. And he'll laugh. But not in a mean way. Well…Anyways…okay, so does anyone know that one car commercial (I think it's a car commercial…) where every time his friend goes to take a drink, he slams on the brakes…and then he'll wait a couple of seconds and when he tries to take another drink, he slams on his brakes again so he can't and then he just keeps doing it…yeah, definitely did that to one of my friends, hehe. Yeah, I'm evil, deal with it (stick it up your smoky ass…lol…never mind…becca heard that story…anyone else wondering can ask, lol…). 

"Monica," Monica looked up, seeing Rachel and Ross running in. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, they won't tell me anything," Monica wiped her eyes, and Ross pulled her into his arms in a hug. "And none of our neighbors or anybody were home, so I had to bring Kayley and Felicia with me, and Kayley keeps asking what's going on, and I don't know what to tell her," she pulled away. "They paged his doctor, but he's not here yet, and these people won't tell me anything…"

"Oh, Mon," Rachel hugged her.

"Dr. Grace," Monica pulled away, seeing him coming toward them.

"Hi, Monica."

"They won't tell me anything," she looked at him, pleading him to help.

"Okay, well I'll go find out what's going on, and then I'll come let you know," he gave her a reassuring smile, touching her arm before going down the corridor.

Monica sighed, collapsing down into a chair. "I'm sorry, you guys, I know I'm supposed to be the strong one, but, I just…"

"Even the strongest person in the world falls apart sometimes," Rachel said softly, and Monica nodded, looking over to Kayley, who was asleep in the chair next to hers.

Monica jumped back up when she saw Dr. Grace coming back.

"He has a pneumonia and an upper respiratory infection, and because of his weakened immune system, the infection has spread quickly, so we've started him on antibiotics," he explained, and Monica nodded. "Has anyone at your house been sick lately?"

Monica shook her head. "I don't think so, we've been really careful about that," she paused, trying to think of anyone who'd been sick that he would have been around. "Kayley's birthday party…last weekend…one of her friends had a cold…" she finally said, sitting back down in the chair.

"Where's my daddy?" Ross and Rachel's attention was turned away from Monica's conversation with the doctor when they heard Kayley's inquisitive voice.

"Um, your daddy's sick, honey," Rachel said softly, pulling her onto her lap.

"I know. He's been sick for a really long time."

Rachel looked at Ross, taking a deep breath before saying anything else. "Well, he got really sick."

"Is he okay?" she asked, and Rachel paused, not knowing what to say to that, and not having to find something to say as Monica came over a few seconds later.

Kayley looked up at her mother, then back to her aunt, picking up that something was wrong.

"I want Daddy."

~*~

"But why do I have to wear this mask thing," Kayley pulled on it.

"Because you have germs and it'd be bad if your dad got them," the nurse explained.

"I don't have germs," Kayley wrinkled her nose.

"Well, how about just in case?" she asked the little girl, and she thought about it for a second before finally nodding.

"Okay."

"Okay," she smiled at her, and Monica took her by the hand, walking into the room.

"Hey, baby," he smiled at her, and Monica lifted her up so that she could sit on his bed.

Kayley studied her father for a second. "Is today a bad day?"

Chandler laughed slightly, causing him to cough. "Yeah, it's a bad day."

"Well guess what Aunt Phoebe teached me?" she asked, and he reached up, pulling her mask off so that he could hear her better.

"What?"

Kayley looked at him and grinned, very proud of herself, before beginning to sing. "There's two things I know are sure. She's sent here from heaven, an' she's Daddy's little girl. As I drop to my knees at night, she talks ta Jesus, and I close my eyes and thank God for the joys in my life. Mosta all, for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers, sticking little white flowers in her hair. With all I done wrong, I musta did somethin' right, to deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night."

Kayley finished, and the room was still. Chandler stared at her, trying his damn hardest not to cry. Monica wiped her eyes; she hadn't even known that was coming. The nurse who had come in with them even dabbed at her eyes, trying not to show that that had brought her to tears as well. But if the song hadn't completely gotten to them, the next thing Kayley did surely would.

She leaned down and gave him butterfly kisses.

~*~

Monica looked down at her hand, fingers intertwined with Chandler's. She kept thinking of how Rachel had said that even the strongest person in the world falls apart sometimes…What she should have said was even the strongest person in the world has their weakness.

And Chandler was hers.

He'd always been her weakness. She'd never been in control when it came to him. She hadn't been in control of anything since him, since the first time they were together.

He was her weakness.

And he was her strength.

As strong as she let on to be, she needed him. He was her rock, her security net, the arms that she fell back in. The arms that wouldn't let her fall.

Monica looked up, feeling him squeeze her hand.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" he whispered.

Monica smiled. "You."

Chandler looked down, as if he needed to say something but wasn't sure if he wanted to. He took a deep breath, realizing that that was the wrong thing to do when it made him cough. He finally looked back up at Monica.

"I don't want to die in a hospital," he finally said. "I just-" he stopped, beginning to cough again. Monica let go of his hand when the coughing fit didn't stop, handing him the glass of water off of the table, her heart breaking more every second.

The coughing finally subsided, and he leaned back against the pillows, closing his eyes. Monica watched him, tears threatening as he almost instinctively reached out for her hand again.

Chandler finally opened his eyes, looking back at Monica, and she was surprised to see tears in his eyes as well. He took a deep breath, looking her in the eye.

"I want to go home."

Monica continued to stare back at him, not sure in what sense he meant that, but not sure what to say either way. So instead, she leaned down and hugged him, resting her head against his chest as she closed her eyes.

Her weakness and her strength…

__

Her every breath is weaker than the last

And lately when she sleeps, she talks about the past

Her husband knows, she's tired of holdin' on

She looks at him and says, "I want to go home"

What do you say in a moment like this?

When you can't find the words to tell it like it is

Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way

Oh, what do you say…

What Do You Say Reba McEntire

To

Be

Continued…

Um, the 'she's' in the song need to be 'he's' to fit, and vice-versa. That verse of that song always makes me wanna cry…but anyway, please review…thanks :) 


	15. If I Die Before You Wake

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 15~ If I Die Before You Wake

Thanks so much for the reviews : ) Monica-Bing, why _do_ we torture Chandler? I mean, seriously, we are the biggest bunch of hypocrites ever. I mean, we kill him/his wife/girlfriend/kids, make him/his wife/girlfriend/kids have some horrible disease, have someone kidnap his kids, make him/his wife/girlfriend leave, make him cheat, have him cheated on, completely screw him up emotionally, make him cry so many times I can't even count, break his heart in every way imaginable…and then we say how much we love him. Does all that sound like love? Well, tough love, maybe, but seriously, what the hell is our problem? Poor guy, what did he ever do to deserve everything that we do to him? Granted, he isn't actually real, but we'll ignore that…So why? Why do we do it? It's a disease! Seriously. We relentlessly torture Chandler…it's gotta be a disease. Chandler-torturismitis…hell, I'll plead guilty to having it, lol… 

"Yeah, I'm not quite sure that I'm gonna make it to your premiere, Joe."

Joey laughed; at least he was joking. "Yeah, like I'd take you to another one of my premieres. You'd probably just fall asleep," he smiled back at Chandler. "So you're going home tomorrow?" Chandler nodded, and Joey didn't fail to notice that he hardly even had enough strength to hold his head up, but he knew that arguing with him was a lost cause. They'd all been there, done that. Chandler had made up his mind; he was going home.

He didn't care what he should do, what they wanted him to do…He was going home. Home to his wife and his daughters and his dog.

Home.

~*~

They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and Chandler sighed. He'd never realized just how many stairs they had before. Joey was on one side of him, his arm wrapped around him, Monica on the other side, and between the two of them, they were pretty much supporting all of his weight.

"You just wanna stay down here?" Joey asked, but Chandler shook his head.

"Just give me a second."

"You sure?" Monica asked, and Chandler nodded again. Monica looked past Chandler to Joey, knowing that he couldn't make it up the stairs.

"I, um, I could…carry you," Joey finally said, slowly and quietly, not wanting to hurt his pride.

Chandler looked down. His first instinctive reaction to that question had been 'no.' He still had his pride. But he looked down and sighed. It wasn't an issue of pride. Chandler closed his eyes; he wasn't supposed to be the stubborn one.

"Whatever," he finally said, eyes focused on the floor.

Monica looked up at him, surprised. She hadn't thought that he'd accept any more help if it were offered. He might not have been the proudest man, but he still had his pride. Not that there was any shame in accepting help, but she was sure that he'd see it that way. Monica pulled away a bit, and Chandler looked down at her.

No shame.

Joey awkwardly picked him up, carrying him up the stairs to their bedroom, putting him down on the bed. Chandler looked down, avoiding eye contact, and Joey quietly excused himself, realizing that despite the circumstances, Chandler's pride had still probably been hurt.

Monica lay down next to Chandler, kissing him. She looked him in the eye after pulling back before kissing him again, closing her eyes and resting her head against his chest. She deeply inhaled his scent, letting his steady heartbeat reassure her, relaxing her.

Chandler kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against hers.

They both looked up, hearing the front door open and Ross's voice, followed by Kayley's, meaning that Ross and Rachel were there with Felicia and Kayley.

Monica sighed, reluctantly sitting up from the comfort of Chandler's arms. "I'll be right back," she squeezed his hand, and he nodded as she walked out of the room.

~*~

"Good-night, baby," Chandler said as Kayley crawled up onto the bed with her pajamas on, ready to go to bed. "I love you," he kissed her.

"Butterfly kisses."

Chandler smiled, giving her butterfly kisses.

"Night-night," she said after she'd gotten her butterfly kisses. "Love you, Daddy."

"I'll love you forever, you know that," he added. "Even when I'm not here, I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you, too," she replied with a grin, and Chandler smiled at her naivete.

"Time to go to bed, Kayley," Monica walked in with Felicia.

"Okay," she sighed. "Night, Daddy."

"Night," he kissed her again before she jumped down off of the bed. "Wait," Chandler said to Monica as she turned to go with her. "Can I say good-night to Felicia first?"

"Of course," Monica smiled at him. "I'll be in in a couple minutes, Kayley," she added, and Kayley nodded her head before leaving. Monica walked over to the bed, handing the baby to Chandler.

He leaned down and kissed her, and she grabbed for his nose, causing Chandler to laugh. "I love you," he gave her his finger to grab onto instead. "Night, Felicia," he kissed her again before handing her back to Monica.

"I'll be right back," she smiled at him before going to put the girls to bed.

Monica came back into their bedroom after putting both Kayley and Felicia to bed, climbing into bed with Chandler after changing into pajamas. Chandler rolled over so that he was facing her.

"Promise me something?" he finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Anything," Monica smiled at him. "What?"

"Move on," he said, trying his best to keep his voice from shaking. "Move on…get over me…fall in love again…get married…be happy…"

Monica looked back at him in shock, not quite expecting that to be what he asked her to promise him.

"But, if you find someone else," Chandler continued, "tell them that they can have you while you're here, but you're mine for eternity," he looked her in the eye, neither of them quite crying, but both on the brink. "Promise?" he finally asked again.

Monica nodded her head. "Promise," her voice shook, not wanting to tell him that she couldn't ever imagine loving anyone else. But she promised that she would try.

Monica rolled over, wrapping her arms around Chandler, resting her head on his chest, feeling his short, shallow breaths.

"I'll never stop loving you," he whispered, leaning down and kissing her on the lips.

"Me neither," she barely managed to whisper in return.

"Night, babe," he kissed her forehead, and Monica marveled at his ability to drop the conversation as suddenly as he'd brought it up. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she replied, cuddling closer, comforted by the feeling of his arms around her. "G'night."

~*~

Monica woke up, the sound of Felicia crying coming over the baby monitor. She slowly sat up, glancing at the clock, but then stopping, suddenly aware of something. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the stillness of the room.

__

No was her only thought as she turned to Chandler. She moved back over next to him, already knowing what she was going to find.

He wasn't breathing.

Monica buried her head in her pillow, ignoring Felicia's crying as she began to sob, her whole body shaking as she cried.

He'd known. He'd just wanted to be at home. He'd said his good-bye's the night before.

And he'd let go.

To

Be

Continued…

I ::sob:: can't ::sob:: believe ::sob:: that I-that I actually killed Chandler ::breaks down crying:: I swore-I **swore** I'd never do that…but please don't give up on this now…I did that once with a fic when Monica died…I stopped reading it and came back months later to finish it cuz I couldn't stand not knowing how it ended. But anyway, please review…and, um, be kind…I really am sorry…


	16. Tears in Heaven

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 16~ Tears in Heaven

Thank you so incredibly unbelievably much for all of the reviews! That made me break 200, a woo-hoo!!! You guys rock :) And you're **way** too kind to me and think way too highly of me. But thank you, hehe. Oh, and I'm gonna have to duct tape a certain person's mouth shut who's name starts with a "B" and ends with an "ecca" if she can't keep her fricken (hehe) mouth shut! First you give away to Yen that Chandler dies before she reads it and then you tell Lindsey that I have a big head! You're lucky I love you! And that you think I'm a sexy bitch in a sex-less kinda way! Or else I'd have to pound on you a little :) But seriously, you guys, thank you all **so** much for all of the reviews, it means so much to me. And now I'm getting all mushy on you, so I'll go…save the mush for the writing ;)

Monica stared out the kitchen window, watching the pouring down rain. One drop after another, hitting the window, rolling down. One bead of water after another, never ending. She sighed, absent-mindedly running her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, not paying attention to the fact that it had been empty for the past 20 minutes. 

She was watching the rain. 

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she looked up, smiling slightly at Nora.

"You ready to go?" she asked softly, and Monica nodded, standing up.

"I'll go get the girls," she stood up and left the room, coming back a few minutes later with Kayley and Felicia, both in black dresses. Monica couldn't help but to think that little girls should never have to wear black. They should wear pink, yellow, blue, orange…not black.

"I can take her, honey," Nora offered, and Monica let her take Felicia from her as she grabbed her car keys off of the kitchen counter, before they all went to go get in the car.

The car ride was silent, the rain pounding down on the car providing the only noise, both of the adults too wrapped up in their thoughts to even think of turning the radio on. Nora sat thinking, feeling guilty. Parents weren't supposed to outlive their children. You weren't supposed to be able to go to your son's funeral. It wasn't right. And it wasn't like she'd been the best mother in the world. She could have been there more. She should have been there more. She thought that she'd be able to, that she'd eventually get the chance to make it all right with her son. Things had gotten a lot better between them in the past few years, but it still wasn't perfect. She thought she'd have longer…

Monica concentrated on the road, the lines, the streetlights, the other cars, trying not to think. Thinking hurt too much. It hurt her heart too much. She now understood how a person could die of a broken heart, that they truly did happen. It hurts so bad that you just want to stop living.

When they pulled up at the funeral home, Nora helped Kayley get out of her car seat while Monica got Felicia out. Nora took the umbrella out of the car, opening it over them as she walked over to the side of the car that Monica was on.

Kayley splashed in a puddle, looking up at the rain falling down. She walked over to her mother, who was now holding Felicia, and tugged at the bottom of her black skirt. Monica looked down at her, and she smiled.

"Daddy's crying."

Monica and Nora immediately looked at each other. Monica hadn't been sure that Kayley had grasped what was happening at all. She obviously had. Kids pick up a lot more than they're given credit for.

"C'mon, Kayley," Monica held her hand out for Kayley, who took it, and the four of them started inside. 

"Charles," Nora stopped, surprised to see her ex, minus the drag, standing in front of her. And for a second, she could have sworn it was Chandler. She hadn't ever realized how much her son looked like his father. Or rather, she hadn't allowed herself to think it as he got older.

"Hey," he said softly, and the two of them stood staring at each other for a few seconds before Nora took the remaining steps between them, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug, allowing herself to break down crying. Charles hugged her back, holding her tightly as they stood in the pouring down rain, their tears mixing with the drops of water falling from the sky.

~*~

Monica slowly stood up, handing Felicia to her mother, who was seated on one side of her, Nora on the other side with Kayley in her lap, Charles on the other side of her, and the two still had yet to argue. Monica walked up to the front, looking around at all of the people there. She spotted Kip, who made eye contact with her and smiled before she looked away. She smiled, seeing Gunther and wishing that they could go back to the simple days of Central Perk. She continued to scan the room, seeing some other people who she recognized, many who she didn't. She finally took a deep shaky breath before beginning.

"Last spring when it rained for weeks straight," Monica started, voice quivering slightly, "Kayley told Chandler that she loved the rain. When he asked why, she said that it was because it was angels crying," Monica paused, wiping her eyes. "As you all probably noticed on your way in, it's raining today…and when-when we got out of the car, Kayley looked up at me and said 'Daddy's crying,'" Monica paused again, taking a slow breath in an attempt to keep herself from crying.

"Um, a few weeks ago, Chandler told me that he had no regrets in life. Or not about the past, anyway. That the only thing he regretted was the future…that he wouldn't be here…he won't be here to hear Felicia's first word, see her take her first steps. He won't-he won't be here for first days of school, first boyfriends, proms, graduations…to give them away when they get married…

"And when I start to think of everything that he's not going to be here for, I start to wonder how I'm going to do it without him…How I'm even going to live without him. He's been such a huge part of my life for so long, that I can't even remember how it was like without him…But then I look at our girls, and I just…I can see him in them. And if you've ever been around Kayley for even just five minutes, you can definitely tell she's Chandler's," Monica laughed, shaking her head.

"But, I am who I am today because of him. He's been my best friend for the past 15 years…we would've been married for six years next month," she smiled surreally, not believing that it had all happened in less than a year. "He also said that, while most people complain as they're nearing 40, he said he would've given anything to live to be 40. Or even 37," she took a slow, shaky breath. "He did almost make that one…His birthday's on Thursday…" she trailed off, pausing once again.

"You all know that if he were here right now, he'd be doing everything he could to make everyone stop crying, to make everyone laugh, make everyone smile," she smiled, the image of his smile playing in her mind. "He would hate this, being in a room full of crying people and not able to do anything about it," she paused again, looking over to her family. His family. What had become their family. "Just…remember him for everything that he was…for his ability to make you laugh no matter what, whether what he said actually was funny, of if it was just so stupid that you couldn't help but to appreciate the effort," she laughed slightly, pausing again. 

"And when it rains," she looked over to Kayley "remember that it's just angels crying," she smiled to herself, looking down as she took another slow breath, knowing that she didn't have the will power to fight the tears for much longer. "I will always love you, Chandler," she finally whispered, wiping her eyes as she stepped down, walking back over to her seat. And as soon as she sat back down, she took Felicia from her mother, the tears finally coming uncontrollably.

"The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…" the pastor began to lead everyone in Psalm 23. "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside silent waters, he restores my soul…"

Monica held Felicia tightly. _I shall not want_ she thought sarcastically. _Well I want Chandler…_ She continued to cry until she was pretty sure that there were no more tears left to be shed. But by that time, the service was already over.

Kayley pulled on Monica's sleeve. "I wanna see Daddy."

Monica looked at her for a second, finally handing Felicia back to her mother before lifting Kayley up in her arms. Everyone was still gathered around consoling the family, and as they made their way to his casket, most eyes were on them. And at Kayley's next action, every person, even those who thought they had no tears left to be shed, couldn't help but to break down crying.

She leaned down from her mother's arms and gave him butterfly kisses.

To

Be

Continued…

One more part people, bear with me…it's almost over ;)


	17. Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 17~ Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Thanks again for the reviews and for sticking with me and not killing me for killing Chandler, lol. So I really should be working on my english paper, but I figure this is indirectly working on it. And how do I figure? My english teacher said that she sees improvement with everything that I write, so if I write this first and then go write my english paper, I'll have improved, so it'll be better, no? Well, I see the rationale in my reasoning, and that's all that really matters :) And one more thing…where does time go? Cuz this weekend's prom, the next is one of my friend's birthdays, the next is one of my other friend's birthdays, and then the next is graduation! *sob* And one of my best friends is graduating *sob*…where does time go???

~*~20 Years later~*~

Kayley looked in the mirror, studying her reflection momentarily before turning her attention to looking out the window, watching as the rain came pouring down. Following single droplets as they hit the window, watching the trail they left behind, like tears streaming down a face.

Felicia walked over to where her sister was standing, staring out at the rain as well. "Rain on your wedding day…that kinda sucks…" (Becca~I now realize that I got _Ironic_ stuck in my head cuz I wrote the line 'rain on your wedding day'…at least now I know why it's been stuck in my head for the past two days *sighs*)

Monica playfully hit Felicia on the back of the head, giving her a warning look, telling her not to say anything to upset her sister.

"Daddy's crying," Kayley said softly, almost under her breath, continuing to stare out the window.

Monica froze, turning back to face her. "What did you say?"

Kayley smiled, slightly embarrassed, not thinking that anyone had heard. "Daddy's crying."

"You remember that?" Monica looked at her in disbelief.

"Every time it rains," she once again smiled at her mother.

Felicia watched Kayley, jealous of her. She could remember their father. There might not be many memories, and they may have been childish interpretations of what had happened, but she'd still known their father. All Felicia had were stories. And pictures. Pictures of a man who she could see in herself every time that she looked in the mirror, but whom she'd never known. A man who she'd been told how much she was like by anyone who had known him, but who she couldn't remember him. She was jealous. As stupid as it sounded for a 20-year-old to be thinking, she wanted to remember butterfly kisses and teardrops in the rain.

But she couldn't.

Monica smiled, brushing Kayley's hair out of her face. "Speaking of your father," she started, walking over to where her purse was, taking something out before coming back and handing it to Kayley.

"A CD?" Kayley looked at Monica, confused. "What's on it?"

"I honestly don't know," Monica admitted. "It's from your dad."

"Well…thanks," Kayley smiled, looking up as someone knocked on the door.

"As long as it's not Scott, you can come it," Felicia yelled through the door, referring to Kayley's fiancé. 

"So I can come in?"

"Yeah, Dad," Felicia responded, so he walked in, slowly opening the door.

"I was sent to see if you're ready," he smiled, looking Kayley up and down. "My god, you look beautiful."

"Thanks," Kayley blushed slightly before looking away from her stepfather.

Monica had remarried when Felicia was seven. At first, it had been like she'd expected, impossible to see herself with anyone else, impossible even to see herself happy ever again. But then she'd met Eric. Eric had married very young, and his wife had been killed shortly afterward. He'd never completely gotten over her, either. So, when Monica told him that she was already taken for eternity, he said the exact same thing back. And, like her, his heart had been given away years before, and when his wife died, she took a part of him with her. 

And Monica understood that. She'd lived through that. And he understood her.

When they started dating, Felicia asked if he was going to be her daddy. Kayley had screamed at her sister, telling her that she already had a daddy and that you can't have more than one. But Felicia was still looking for someone to fill the role of "Dad" that she had never truly known, and when they had married, had immediately started calling him "Dad."

Kayley refused to.

And she still called him Eric, never Dad. At first, it had been because she was holding so tightly onto the memories of butterfly kisses and the sound of her father's voice singing her to sleep. But as his voice faded and the memories became blurry, it was more or less out of habit. He'd been good to her, and she respected him for that. But she'd already once known a man whom she'd called "Daddy" and wasn't about to give that title away to someone else.

"So you ready, Kay?" he looked at her, and, after taking a deep breath and one final look in the mirror, Kayley nodded her head.

"Yeah," she smiled up at him. "I'm ready."

~*~

"Thank you," Kayley whispered to Eric as they reached the front of the church, and he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "And not just for today…"

"You're more than welcome," he whispered back, giving her hand a quick squeeze before letting go and walking away.

Kayley turned back to look at Scott, grinning. And, for a split second, she could have sworn that she felt the flicker of eyelashes against her cheek. She squeezed Scott's hand, her head telling her that she had imagined it. 

But her heart argued back that her daddy had given her away.

~*~

Monica dug through a box of home movies, finally finding the ones from when Kayley was little. She put one in, smiling when the first image that appeared on the screen was Chandler saying, "Yeah, Mon, it's recording" and her arguing back that it wasn't. She laughed, realizing that that was when she'd gotten her new camera, knowing what the next thing on it was. Kayley's birthday party. Kayley opening her presents, the girls running over to play with the new dog, Chandler asking how long the video-camera thing was going to last…

"What are you gonna do, Kay?" Chandler asked Kayley, who turned to the camera and grinned. 

"I'm gonna ride a bike," she said before turning back and climbing onto her bike, Chandler holding onto the back of the seat. "Okay, don't let go," she looked back at Chandler, who nodded, running after her as she started riding, eventually letting go, watching as she continued to ride. Kayley looked back, and, realizing that he was no longer holding on, lost her balance and fell to the pavement. "You said you wouldn't let go!" she yelled, picking her bike up off the ground and walking back to where Chandler was standing.

"But you did so good by yourself!"

"But you said you wouldn't let go!"

"I'm sorry, baby," he smiled in apology. "Do you wanna try again? I won't let go this time…"

Kayley looked at him, not sure. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," he smiled in return as he took her pinky in his. 

Kayley looked at him, still skeptical, but finally deciding to get back onto her bike, Chandler doing as promised and not letting go.

"Let go!" she finally shouted.

"You sure?"

"Yes, let go!" she repeated, so Chandler stopped and let go, watching as she rode down the street for a second before turning to face Monica. She assumed that she'd smiled at him because he grinned in return, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Monica smiled to herself; that was the image that she got in her head when she thought of him. It had been right before he got sick the last time, and he was wearing his backwards baseball hat that he'd worn for most of that year, his sweatshirt extremely baggy because of all the weight he'd lost after all of the chemo.

"Chandler, watch her," Monica said nervously.

"I am watching her," Chandler replied, his eyes never moving from Monica, but, hearing her crash once again and start to cry, he quickly turned, running down the street to her. He scooped her up into his arms, kissing her on top of the head before giving her butterfly kisses, carrying her back up to their driveway.

"Why would she ever call me 'Dad' when he's my competition," Eric said, causing Monica to jump.

"Jesus, how long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he moved, sitting down next to her on the couch. "Old home videos?"

"Old home videos of Kayley," she smiled at him. "How can she be married when yesterday she was that old?" she motioned to what was now her graduation from preschool, and he didn't miss the fact that Chandler was now absent from the picture.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Monica smiled slightly in return. "It's just…you know?"

"Yeah," he returned her smile. "I do know."

~*~

Kayley grinned, taking her CD out, finally finding a CD player and getting the chance to listen to what was on it. She put it in and pushed play, a smiled creeping over her lips as Chandler's voice filled the room.

"Hey, Kayley. Well, I guess if you're listening to this, I owe you a congratulations, so congratulations, baby. I would give the world to be there, to be the one to give you away, but unless some sort of a miracle occurs, in which case I'll probably just burn this and pretend that it never existed, I'm pretty sure that I won't be the one to walk you down the aisle. And I wish I could be there…for everything…" he trailed off, and she could tell that he was trying not to cry. "So, baby, this is the best that I can do. Oh, and the next song on here is the real version of the song in case your tastes have grown and you no longer prefer me over it…And Kay…I love you," he finished softly, and Kayley grinned, the next thing coming on being exactly what she'd expected.

__

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's Daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God for all the joy in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride

I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today

She's looking like her mama

A little more every day

One part woman

The other part girl

To perfume and make-up

From ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out

In the great big world

But I remember…

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

You know how much I love you, Daddy, but if you don't mind

I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

She'll change her name today

She'll make a promise

And I'll giver her away

Standing in the brideroom

Just staring at her

She asks me what I'm thinking

And I said I'm not sure

I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl

She leaned over…

Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk me down the aisle, Daddy, it's just about time

Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

Kayley wiped the tears from her eyes, and hearing the beginning of the "real" song, pressed the button to go back, wanting to hear her father's voice again.

"Hey, you," Kayley jumped at the sound of Scott's voice. "You okay?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her, and she nodded, once again wiping her eyes. "What are you listening to?"

"Something from my dad."

"From Eric?"

Kayley shook her head. "No. My dad," she smiled at him.

"Butterfly kisses?" he asked after listening to it for a few more seconds.

Kayley just smiled. "Every morning and every night."

~*~

Kayley walked through the cemetery, not at all surprised to see her mother kneeled down in front of her father's grave. She pulled her jacket tighter, looking up at the grey clouds and wondering how much longer the rain would hold out for.

"There's holes in the floor of heaven," Kayley started in a whisper, reciting the song that had comforted her when she was younger. "And his tears are in the falling down rain. That's how you know he's watching, wishing he could be here now. And sometimes when I'm lonely, I remember he can see. Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven, and he's watching over you and me…"

Monica smiled, looking up at her daughter. "That's an old song…"

"Yeah," Kayley took a seat next to her.

"Did you listen to the CD?" Kayley nodded. "What was on it?"

"What do you think?" Kayley laughed.

"Butterfly kisses?" She nodded. "Hey, what are you doing here? Aren't you leaving for your honeymoon today?" Monica asked, suddenly wondering what she was doing there.

"We don't leave till later tonight. Mix up with the times of the airlines," she shrugged, studying her mother's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Monica looked up at her and smiled.

"Mom…"

Monica sighed, looking back down. "I just never stop missing him…" As she trailed off, Kayley wrapped her arm around her shoulder, leaning her head down against her shoulder.

"I know," she whispered in response. "Sometimes I wonder how much I actually even remember and how much are just stories that I've been told so many times that they feel like memories…Events that I've created or been told about so many times that I just **think** that I remember them. But then, when I start thinking about that, it scares me to death, and I wonder if I even actually remember at all…" she trailed off, sighing. "But then there are some things. And I know I've never been told about them…so then I wonder if they even actually happened…or if I'm just remembering a dream…"

"Like what?" Monica asked softly, brushing Kayley's hair out of her face.

"Being left at the top of an escalator at the mall," Kayley laughed. "I was holding onto his hand, and then the next second I wasn't, and I was still at the top, and he was going down…and I just remember standing there crying, scared to death…but then the next second he was there again, and he scooped me up into his arms and didn't let go of me for the rest of the day…" 

Monica smiled. "Yeah, that happened. You wouldn't ride on escalators for years," she laughed. "Chandler didn't even tell me about it at first…but then you started refusing to go on escalators, so there had to be some sort of an explanation," she laughed again.

"I don't remember that," Kayley looked at her. "Being scared of escalators, I mean."

"Time heals all wounds, I guess."

"Yeah, but wounds leave scars," she looked back at her mother, not really referring to the escalator incident, but rather to the fact that she had said that she still missed Chandler.

"How did you even end up so wise?" Monica looked at her daughter.

"Must have been from Dad," she laughed, and Monica hit her lightly. "Well, um, I should probably get going," Kayley looked down at her watch as she stood up.

"Have fun," Monica stood up as well, hugging her.

"Thanks, I will," she hugged her back, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Now who's the mother here?" Monica laughed, and Kayley held up her hands in defeat. "Yes, I'll be fine," she smiled at her.

"Okay. See-ya, then," Kayley turned to leave. "Love you."

"Love you. Bye," Monica watched as she walked away, finally sitting back down, directly in front of his gravestone, tracing the letters with her finer. "You'd be proud," she said quietly. "Really proud of both of them," she trailed off. "And I still love you so much," she wiped her eyes, trying not to let herself actually cry. "You promised me eternity, Bing," she managed to say, still on the verge of crying. "And I've done everything that I've promised you, so you'd better not go back on your promise to me," she stood up, looking around. Birds chirping, the sun starting to peek out from behind the clouds…and she smiled.

The years that they ended up spending apart would be nothing compared to the rest of eternity together.

And that's it!!! Yay!!! Sorry that last line was kinda corny, lol. Or I think so, but just to end on a happy note, and I wasn't about to do the whole meeting in heaven thing, sorry for the people that asked for one of those endings. I think they're too corny. And to those of you who didn't want Monica to get remarried…I thought about that…but spending the rest of your life alone would get awfully lonely. So just trying to be a little realistic and not let my romantic side take over completely :) 

Okay, I would just like to say that the entire fic was based around getting to this point in time and the line "Daddy's crying." And the idea for that came from the song _Holes in the Floor of Heaven_ by Steve Warner (the lyrics Kayley said) except for that it says "she" instead of "he" so I was originally gonna kill Monica and base it around that song…but then I decided to do the whole Chandler-Kayley thing and the Butterfly Kisses thing just kinda happened. It wasn't really supposed to have anything to do with that song, lol. Just a little insight, hehe. I just thought I'd let you know that Chandler didn't have a chance, I was killing him for sure from the beginning ;)

So now I'll shut up and you can review. Thanks for sticking with me :) You guys rock! (and if I really rock as much as you people say, it's only cuz of you guys :-D). Oh, Allie, Abby, and anyone else who cares, I **swear **that I'm really working on Never Assume, lol.

(_Butterfly Kisses_, Bob Carlisle & _Holes in the Floor of Heaven_, Steve Wariner)


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